How I Wish...

Assalamualaikum and hi

I don't usually do this. 6.41pm, currently in Gloria Jean, all alone, trying my best to finish my case analysis assignment as quick as possible as the battery of my lappy only have 40 mins left. I'm busy. Too busy. But this 5 mins, i just want to share something I've been longing this whole week.

How I wish people can respect me as much as how I respect them. No need sugar-coated words as actions speak louder than words. 

How I wish I can go home. I miss my parents, I miss my cat, I miss my bed, I miss home-cooked food, I miss everything about my home.

How I wish I can just go for a drive at night, with coffee, enjoy the songs and a lil chat.

How I wish I can go for a random short trip like before. Genting, PD, Starbuck, Mamak. Nothing that expensive. I just want to see diff places, diff atmosphere.

How I wish I have time to focus on my study only just like everyone else, so that I wont feel stupid in class, i wont feel left behind by my batchmates.

How I wish i have my other half. Not to brag about, not about going to fancy date and not even about expensive gifts, just your presence make me feel safe and I know there's someone that always support my decisions. Being independent is a nice thing, but being lonely is too sad.

How I wish I dont need to feel jealous. There's always someone much prettier than me, that thinking about their existence alone make me feel bad. 

How I wish I can be like other girls, loved by others instead of being scared.

How I wish everything can be much easier.

How I wish....

Someone not that happy with her life,

Me 

Random Rant (051116)

Assalamualaikum and Hi

Hahahahahaha...

Anywayyyy, dah lama sangat tak tulis apa2. The last one on last July. And now, it's November already. I don't even write anything about my birthday simply because there's nothing to share about. To sum up what'd happened for the past few months, erm, I'm terribly busy with my classes, assignments, programs, competitions and heartache (lulss....)

So, i'll skip that 'classes, assignments, programs, competitions' part and straightly jump to that heartache part. Lol. If you wanna read something about law or debate or mooting or my travel experience, I'm not going to write any today, so, maybe you can read my blog again hari lain..

Erm, honestly after everything that happened before, tak pernah langsung I imagine that we're still going to talk, and tease, and sit across each other or whatever it is. Never. I thought, that's it. I'm truly embarrassed, one of the most embarrassing part of my life, and I believe, i should stop somehow. I tried, i really did, but certain feelings, u just cant deny. Tried to push you away, and it's hard.

Then, I don't know how it happened, but we end up almost like before eventhough not as close as before. Weird enough, every single day, i really really try to remind myself that I need to stay professional, try to stop myself from crossing the line u draw. But, it's too hard. Sometimes, i don't realized that some of my words and actions are not from 'Syera' or 'Hira', but from 'Ira'. Trying to remind myself that i should not get used to it as it's going to end soon, i'm terribly hurt. Being teased by people around me, i started to build up hope, but then, the next day, you'll crush every single hope that i created. 

Sad truth, but thats it. 

Honestly, i'm really really happy for the past few weeks. Happy too much. But i know, that happiness is just temporary. I know there's a countdown. Hate to admit, but still, those few days that I have left went by too quickly. There're moments that I really wish I can stop the time, but obviously I'm not God. What you did and what you said simply gave me all those up and down of emotions. And what your friends' said make my heart fluttered. But in the end, I know that I'm hoping for something that's not going to happen. Few weeks ago, I asked myself to really enjoy and appreciate those time i have left, but these days, I started to remind myself that i need to learn to stop. So that i wont hurt myself again. A year ago, when he left, he remind me that all those hope and expectations wont happen. Not even one. And i believe that, if i stay with the mindset that 'it's going to happen', I'll be crushed again. 

I'm scared. But then, that's it. If there's one thing that i can do after this, that'll be learn to let go, watch from afar and pray the best for them.

So, syera, don't blame yourself for feeling that way. It's okay to like someone. But then, for this time, u know that you need to let go soon. Dont rely too much, dont cling that much, just dont. Dont get hurt this time. Please.

Words from yourself to yourself,

Syera.

*don't forget this*

*simply because it defines exactly how we are ^^*

Random Rant

Hye ^^

Ermm.. Exam dah habis. Nothing to do. A lot of free time.. 

Takde la free sangat pun, banyak je kerja, just not in the mood to do so. 

Anyway, here I am, writing some random rant.

To be honest, these past few days, I'm not sure what's wrong with me, each thing or decision that i made, somehow make me feel sad.

And, i did think about this a lot, and now i know why.

Actually, ramaiiii sangat orang tanya, why am i like this. Kenapa seorang syera sangat misteri, sangat pelik, sangat susah nak faham, sangat susah nak dekat. Erm, dari kecik lagi, I dont like to be around so many people. Too pemalu. Tak suka jumpa new people. Tak suka bercakap when it is not necessary. Even though I'm naturally jenis banyak cakap, but somehow, I only talked to people that I'm closed with. Haaaa, kalau dah rapat, u'll know how a chatterbox I am.

Thats why, seorang syera ni tak banyak kawan. Dari tadika, sampai sekolah rendah, sampaila sekolah menengah, i kept my circle very small. Max friends ada la kot 3,4 orang. Yang lain2 memang akan diabaikan. Sorry. And, at that moment, i thought i am weird. I know I'm not being choosy or disgusted with other people around, but i just dont like the idea of having so many people around me, and too many feelings to look after. So, I end up having just few friends, and being called as a snob. However, these few friends are too precious. I really really care about them, I don't care if i need to hurt myself for them, just as long as they're happy. That's who I am. 

Bila masuk asasi, baru perasan how different i am compared to other people. I took months to start talking to my roommates and classmates. I really did ignored people if i don't feel like talking. Did some reading, and found out that actually, I'm an introvert. Then, everything started to make sense. That's why I'm being over-protected over my bestfriends. 

Masa sekolah rendah and menengah, perangai baran sangat teruk, i did hit and fought with people around me. Ramai kena tengking, kena sepak, kena penampar, kena baing dengan kerusi, pen etc...but somehow, at one point, I realized how i hurt people around me badly, how bad people scared when they see me, I just feel bad, and decided to change myself. I learnt to hold my anger, and keep everything to myself. Unexpectedly, this habit of mine, end up hurt myself.

Even until now, I really keep my circle small. Just few bestfriends and I'm being over-protected. Seorang syera just takut kawan yang dia ada tinggal dia sorang2. The thought of it really scared me to death. One of my bestfriends really did left me before, and I crumbled. Therefore, i decided that, whatever happened, I'll just keep everything to myself, it's ok if I'm the one who'll cry, but please, i don't want my bestfriends to leave. But, bila masuk zama uni, i learnt to accept that even my bestfriends have their own bestfriends. I learnt to give them their own space and time. And as for me, I learn to live alone. 

That's why, accepting new people into my life is not an easy task. I'm not sure whether you can handle my perangai or I'm not sure whether you can understand certain decisions that i make. Believe me, any of my decision, i really really think about u guys first before myself. These past few days, i just realized how selfish i am, how over-protective i can be towards my bestfriends. So, i learnt to leave them alone, let them have their space and time.

Just one thing, don't ask me to be friendly, or open up to other people. You might see me being friendlier than usual, but trust me, I'm just pretending to be so. Suka ke if awak terpaksa berlakon jadi orang lain? Maybe, seorang syera takkan pernah ada ramai kawan, and seorang syera akan terus ditakuti, but thank God, i still have my bestfriends. 

Just like everyone else, I'm trying my best to be better too. Just, don't give up on me ok. Anda sangat sangat sangatlah bernilai dalam hidup seorang syera.

Sekian.... random rant seorang syera.

Someone who is missing her fbbbf,

Syera ^^

Maybe. Maybe. IA. but still, u owe me a hye.

My type of guy

Assalamualaikum... Hai ^^

No, final exam tak habis lagi..

 Tengah take 5 from reading, and saja nak tulis something.

Erm, for the past few days, people around me asked on what kind of guy I'm looking for.. Until last night, one of my high school junior contacted me to share her problem with me. She's too worried that now she's 18 and still no boyfriend yet. Don't worry dear, I'll not reveal your name, unless, I found the right one for u.. lol, kidding.

Anyway, she said it is hard to find someone yang menepati citarasa dia. Hahaha.. She has this one list on what kind of guy she wants to date. 

Well, it's not an embarrassing thing. I used to have my own list too.

Seriously, i used to have this one list on what kind of guy that I'm looking for. Can't remember tho. But, if I'm not mistaken, I used to dream on dating a tall guy with wide shoulders, with great career and verrryyyy romantic. 

Banyak lagi yang i listed out, but can't remember somehow.

Then, I'm introduced to kpop world.. 

Oh.My.God. lagi la my list on perfect boyfriend material bertambah. Lagi2 waktu tu tengah musim Boys Over Flower, omg, Tuhan je tau how complicated nak pilih between Lee Min Ho, dengan Kim Hyun Joong dengan Kibum tu. Berhari-hari fikir...hahahaha.. Then, lagi exposed to kpop world, lagi merepek list tu jadi. And even now, kpop dramas really really influenced girls' imagination.

Including me... ^^

Introducingggg... 

my current crush *blushed* ok, dulu Taeyang, sekarang dah tukar jadi Jota..hehehe.. Nak tau sebab apa crush sangat, ermm check kat youtube pls. Cair wehhhh..hahaha

Ok, back to the main point, after all these crushes and what so not, I can promise you, all these are not realistic at all. Seriously.

Erm, adik2, ni akak nak cakap sikit, from pengalaman akak sendiri, semua list2 ni so merepek. Korang tak boleh list 10 ciri-ciri lelaki idaman, and reject one guy sebab dia ada 8,9 je dari ciri2 yang korang list tu. That's absolutely nonsense. Maybe, just maybe, it's ok to have your own list, but then, make it a realistic one. Contohnya, a guy who can accept your flaws and your past. Kau ingat kau sorang je ada list, laki tu takde list. I've been there before, trying to find the best guy. But obviously, with this face, memang tak la jawab dia.

Anyway, satu lagi nasihat, you're just 18 dear. Sangat2 muda. I'm 21 anyway, and I believe I'm still young too.. hahaha. My point is, jangan risau, u're just 18, baru start matrik. Belum start zaman uni pun lagi. Kau tak tau macam-macam jenis laki lagi kau akan jumpa. And, when I'm 18, i did a mistake, so I hope u'll not do the same thing. I know you're worried enough knowing that your friend is getting married. My bestfriend pun kawen gak dik, kita chill je.

Personally, this is my advice. You're young, kind and beautiful. I know, one day, u'll be the one who'll have hard time to choose which one to be with. As for right now, focus on your study, enter good university, and let the right guy come at the right time. I believe that great guy deserve a great lady. Not a girl, but a lady. Not just a lady, but a great lady. So, do your best to improve yourself. Set your own goals, and try to achieve them. Erm, one more thing, maybe I'm not the best person to give such words, but cuba dekatkan diri dengan Tuhan. Everything will change if you do that.

I've been through a lot. Maybe ada lagi orang yang dah lalui pengalaman lagi teruk, but after whatever that happened before, rather than having a relationship yang boleh buat kawan2 jealous, what I want most is assurance. I want to live my life knowing that I can complete my degree, do whatever I want to do and achieve what i've been dreaming about, and at the end of the day, he'll be there, waiting for me. Bunyi macam makcik-makcik kan, but after going through that much, i just don't want to cry anymore. Thats all.

So, berbalik kepada issue list ciri-ciri lelaki idaman ni, maybe it's okay to have one, if kalau betul la dapat, omg, u're so lucky. Hahahaha. But whoever you end up with, remember that he deserve to be happy as much as u are. 

Soooooo.... for now, jom ubah diri sendiri dulu k. Akak tak pernah baik dengan Tuhan sebelum ni, but then, I believe that whatever happened before, there's always a chance to just go back to Him. Erm, maybe, mana tau, Dia tengah plan surprise for you. Kot la Dia jumpakan anda dengan jodoh anda waktu tengah selak2 buku dekat library uni or mungkin waktu jalan2 nak gi kelas, tiba2 je ada orang terlanggar buku jatuh bersepah.. Haaaaa, who knows. HE wrote your own love story already. You'll meet the right one soon. Just doa yang Dia akan temu kan korang sooner. hahaha. Till then, chill ok. enjoy your life first. 

And, to answer your question again on my type of guy... 

Well, i wish i'll end up with a guy yang siang pakai suit, malam pakai baju melayu kain pelikat.

Hahahaha... well, nama pun my dream kan. At least i want a guy who appreciate me as a blessing.

Thats all.

So, kena sambung study balik. Still have two more papers before raya.

Someone who is trying to be a great lady,

Kak Syera ^^

Geneva - Evian - Paris - Geneva : Part 2

Assalamualaikum and hye guys ^^

So, sambung cerita dari Part 1 landed dekat Dubai airport pepagi buta, and tersangatlah jakun.. like seriously, how on earth nak survive sini sorang2 for few hours. Owh, by the way, before this whole journey, i did a very deep research on everything for almost a month. Dan seriously, berbaloi buat research ni sebab kau akan dapat tau benda yang orang lain tak tau. For example, I'm not sure with other flights but kalau naik Emirates, and transit dekat Dubai more than 3 @ 4 hours kot, korang akan dapat food voucher waktu korang nak naik flight dekat KLIA tu. Rupa voucher tu lebih kurang tiket flight, so jangan hilangkan. And atas food voucher tu pun ada list restaurants or cafes yang boleh guna food voucher ni. So, pandai2 la korang pilih. Kalau transit lagi lama, boleh dapat lebih kot. 

Satu lagi, Dubai Airport is tooooo big. Korang keluar je dari flight akan ada dua gate, satu yang nak keluar, satu untuk transit. And tempat transit di soooo besar. Ada 3 terminals, each terminal sangatlah besar. So, kalau turun flight dekat terminal 1 and your next flight dekat terminal 3, please pandai2 urus masa. Sangat jauh k, tu tak termasuk korang sesat2 lagi. Macam aku hari tu, sebab transit more than 4 hours, first thing aku buat, pegi check departure gate untuk next flight. Tengok jauh ke tak. At least kau dapat bajet brapa lama ambik masa nak ke gate tu. Dah settle tengok gate, baru aku pi cari tempat makanan guna voucher tu.

Ni example meal voucher. So ada banyak kan tempat korang boleh pilih. Tapi, macam yang aku terang tadi, Dubai airport ada 3 terminals. Ada terminal A, B and C. kalau nampak dalam tiket meal voucher tu pun dia dah tulis siap2 kedai tu dekat terminal mana. Here's the trick, kalau flight korang lambat lagi, boleh lah pilih tempat makan jauh sikit. Sebab tu waktu aku sampai tadi, aku terus tengok gate departure untuk next flight, so boleh agak jauh mana nak pi gate tu. 

Disebabkan aku ada few hours lagi before flight, and ada satu je voucher, kalau aku masuk any cafe or takat McD macam tak berbaloi sebab nak lepak lama. So, thanks to research yang buat awal2 before pegi, aku tau pasal tempat buffet, nama dia The Mezzanine, tapi dekat terminal A. Gate aku nak berlepas dekat Gate C, bapak jauh. Tapi berbaloi sebab kau boleh stay lama2, makan la apa korang nak, and paling best tempat dia tersorok sikit, so tak ramai orang tau. Masa aku pi pun, memang x de orang sangat. So selesa gila.

See, tak de orang pun kan.. sebab tempat dia memang tersorok. Kalau tak silap aku, korang cari tempat duty free yang area perfume, then ada satu lift macam tersorok sikit, korang naik tingkat dua, lepas tu lift tu bukak je, nampak restaurant macam fancy sikit kan, don't worry, tunjuk je voucher. Dia punya waiters memang friendly gila. Nampak aku ala2 maid pun, diorang layan baik sangat. Siap tanya lagi aku nak apa2 dulu tak sementara diorang set up tempat buffet tu. Plus, tempat buffet tu sediakan makanan international, so ada american breakfast, french breakfast, indian food, chinese food, Malaysia food pun ada.

 Lol, aku tengok nasi goreng and mee goreng terus  x de selera. lol, jauh2 terbang sampai dubai, dan kau masihlah nak cari mee goreng. Maka, syera pun makan lah french breakfast, ambik mood nak pegi France.. gituuuu. hahaha. Tapi serious, tempat dia selesa, ada meja sebelah aku ada family caucasian 4 orang, diorang ajak aku makan skali sebab nampak aku sorang2 kan.. tapi sebab aku nak blah naik flight dah, aku tolak baik2. Yang penting, korang kena cari tempat ni elok2. Kalau tak jumpa, sampai area perfume tu, cari info centre, mmg banyak kaunter pertanyaan kat situ, then tanya je restaurant tu kat mana, nanti dia tunjuk ada lift kat corner tu. Satu lagi tips, sampai je kat airport tu, ambik siap2 maps dia, ada 3 untuk stiap terminal. Memang dia punya signboard banyak, but at least, korang ada rough idea korang kat mana and where u want to go. Maybe aku ni jenis perempuan adventurous sikit, bukan la jenis tak takut langsung, of course aku takut, beg memang aku pegang elok2, cuma aku jenis main redah and try my best first untuk cari tempat tu, kalau tak boleh langsung baru aku tanya orang. But if korang jenis tak berani and tak tau nak agak masa nak masuk flight, aku recommend korang stay je kat terminal korang, and cari tempat makan terdekat, elak dari sesat okay. 

Satu lagi, Dubai Airport sangat cantik, sangat selesa. Tempat duduk ada merata-rata, siap boleh baring2 lagi, toilet and surau pun banyak, sangat selesa. Coffee machine pun ada. Ok, settle bab Dubai, then, naik flight ke Geneva. So, here's the thing, waktu tunggu gate bukak, tempat tunggu tu dipenuhi orang2 bermata biru dan rambut blonde sahaja. I'm the only one with different skin tone and wearing head scarf. Plus, orang keliling pakai baju ala-ala corporate, and here I am like a walking potato. Lupa langsung yang aku nak ke Geneva, tempat all kind of elite people. So, orang pandang aku atas bawah atas bawah je. Maybe takut aku terrorist ke apa. But ada gak few of them yang so sweet, tanya aku nak ke mana, tolong tengok kan ticket and impressed that I'm joining a competition. And luckily enough ada sorang FA dia is a Muslim man, so he took extra care towards me la kot. Hahaha...

Waktu dalam flight, semua usha aku pelik, even all anak Mat salleh yang lalu, akan berenti dekat my seat and just merenung macam nampak alien. Lol, aku just senyum, at least those kids senyum back at me. But their parents, pull their hands away from my seat like as if i'm a dangerous animal. Even waktu aku makan chocolate, there's this one very cute lil boy stop at my seat, i offered him a chocolate, out of no where his parents shouted at that lil boy, asking him to toss away the choc. As if I'm giving that precious lil boy a poisonous thing. Terasa sungguh aku, but then, i just smile. Aku buka pembalut coklat, terus masuk that chocolate into my mouth and said 'it's just a chocolate' and i smiled. The FA came to me and say sorry. It's not even her fault. And that kind of situation occurred few time during the whole journey. But thank god, makanan emirates sedap, and banyak movie best, so aku pekakkan telinga and just enjoy the rest of the flight.

Dulang-dulang lah aku makan... hahahaha

Dah sampai dekat Geneva, turun je flight, kemain sejuk dia.. orang lain punya la berjaket-jaket lah.. Yang aku, acah2 macam dari kutub, kulit tebal x rasa apa. Benda menggeletar kemain. Lalu immigration dia, nasib dari Malaysia, dia nampak je Passport Malaysia, terus dia lepaskan tak tanya apa pun. Aku plak yang terpinga-pinga sebab orang depan aku tadi dari flight lain, ala2 orang arab camtu, kemain dia tanya macam-macam. Yang aku, dia cop je, siap senyum lagi, dia kata 'Bonjour, (ok, my first bonjour ever), so aku pun 'bonjour'kan balik.. hahaha.

Then, ni satu lagi tips, dekat geneva, sampai je airport, korang boleh nampak ada machine yang bagi korang transportation pass, boleh naik any public transportation for free for 40 mins if i'm not mistaken. So, sempatlah nak guna pegi hotel naik bas and tram dia. 

kalau agak2 lapar, korang boleh je beli roti2 dulu dalam airport tu. ada je. Then naik bas dia, kalau bawak luggage bapak besar macam aku, hati2 sikit sebab tinggi sikit bas dia. Then kitorang naik bas and tram and bas, tak sure brapa kali tukar bas, then sampai lah area hostel kitorang stay untuk 1 malam, before esoknya btolak ke Evian. 

Ni hah tempat kitorang stay, Geneva Hostel. Tempat dia so aman damai. Memang selamat sebab bertentangan dengan hostel ni ada balai polis kecik kalau tak silap. Banyak student yang stay kat sini sebab trip. And if you are travelling alone, or with your friends, especially yang perempuan, tempat dia selamat wei. Nak masuk bilik guna korang punya individual key card, nak bukak locker pun sama, nak buka pintu toilet pun sama. So, dari segi safety, memang selamat. Toilet and bedroom pun bersih. Kitorang sampai macam tengahhari camtu, kitorang rehat jap, then baru ronda-ronda tengok luar and cari dinner. Satu lagi, fyi, dekat geneva ni, kalau korang stay satu malam, korang akan dapat transportation pass for 24 hours for free.. so kalau sesat ke apa, no problem sebab korang boleh naik any bus or tram sepanjang hari sampai korang jumpa asal usul korang k.

Petang tu, gigih je kitorang jalan-jalan cari taman, lalu tasik geneva semua.. Geneva ni so aman damai. Dia tak bising-bising macam KL ke apa. Even Bangi lagi bising kot. Then kat sini kau rasa macam masa blalu so slow, relax je. Sebab tu aku suka gila Geneva. But untuk orang yang suka bising-bising, korang so akan rimas duduk kat Geneva ni.

Then, kitorang try cari dinner. Pegi dekat are Gare Cornavin, dia punya Stesyen KeretaApi yang Main, macam tengah-tengah Geneva tu, area tu macam meriah sikit, banyak kedai makanan Arab, kitorang pun masuk je kedai mana kitorang jumpa. This one kedai, dekat2 starbucks kalau tak silap, ramai gak customer dia. Sebelah meja kitorang ada budak2 Indonesia, maybe anak2 duta kot. Satu je aku nak ingatkan, kat geneva ni, makanan arab dia portion so besar, boleh kongsi dua orang kalau perempuan. kalau makan sorang2, nasi boleh habis, but ayam dia bagi bapak banyak, boleh bungkus ok. And waktu aku dekat Geneva, Evian dengan Paris, aku tak tau kenapa aku kemaruk sangat minum epal juice. So, satu kemestian untuk syera cari 'pomme juice'. Before kitorang balik hostel, sempat singgah starbucks untuk study sat. Waktu tu la aku baru perasan yang orang-orang Geneva ni semuanya perform. Lagi2 yang lelaki. Semua handsome2 wei. Even yang barista Starbucks dengan yang sapu sampah tepi jalan pun handsome. Hahaha... anyway, thats all for now, sambung Part 3 kemudian. 

The one who miss Geneva most,

Syera.

Life Update - June 2016

Assalamualaikum... hello ^^

Sebenarnya, niat hati nak tulis pasal Geneva, walaupun dah berkurun balik Malaysia, pegi sana pun sekejap sangat, tapi masihlah, nak tulis before terlupa.. But then, rasa nak tulis something more important now, then baru sambung cerita Geneva.

Just a short life update, pengajaran hidup, perubahan dalam hidup, dari bulan satu, and now dah masuk June. At least, nanti agak-agak dah putus harapan, boleh patah balik tengok belakang, and see how far diri sendiri dah pegi, and how strong i can be.

January, bulan yang sangat tough for me, as a girl, as a lover. Somehow, people just leave whenever they want to. But the one who's left behind, helplessly, grasping the new reality. Affected badly. Traumatic. Blaming myself for an unknown reason. I kept saying, 'he left me because of myself. Maybe, I'm not good enough, or not pretty, or not as cool as other girls, or..' and the list goes on. But then, slowly, i started to appreciate myself more. I learnt that, God planned everything perfectly that at one point, I let him go from my life voluntarily. But, another problem muncul. I started to build up barrier to that particular gender. Tapi nak kata tolak terus pun tak gak. Friends still ok je. But more than that, jujur aku takut. I'm hurt enough. Almost nak cakap yang guys sucks, but then teringat how cool my ayah is, so nevermind. lol.

But seriously, even though I can say that I'm fully in 'move on' mode, but I can't stop wondering on how far can a guy breaks a girl heart? Like seriously, how can a guy be that bad.. But of course, aku yakin aku banyak belajar dari whatever happened. Aku tau yang bila aku berubah, aku tak pandang belakang dah.

Next, tentang my achievement this year. Ramai tanya, how to have the same experience, or ada jugak yang kata, untungla dapat pegi merata. Again, just like what i explained before, I'm not a smart student, I'm not a good debater or mooter, I'm not a fluent English speaker, like seriously, faaaaaaaarrrrr from that, and my parents bukan orang kaya. Biasa2 je. But then, I learnt that, sometimes, Tuhan campak peluang depan mata, selebihnya terpulang dekat kau nak grab ke tak, nak usaha ke tak. Aku berani kerat jari takde sapa nak bagi kau bejalan free camtu je. Nobody. But, kalau kau pandai cari ruang, peluang, rajin sikit isi essay2 tu, you can experience more than what i did. Percaya cakap aku, bila orang offer or bila kau nampak peluang, just grab it. Jangan fikir, 'taknaklah, english aku teruk, segan je nak pegi' or 'ehhh, malaslah nak tulis essay sampai 500words, bukannya diorang pilih aku pun nanti' or yang lagi teruk 'ermmm, takpelah, aku kan orang Melayu, pergi join pun buat malu je'.

Kalau kau buat perangai macam tu, aku berani janji, kau duduk je la kat mana kau ada sekarang. You'll never grow, you'll never jejak tanah orang, you'll never experience what others did, because, kau sendiri yang tolak rezeki.

This semester, i really learnt a lot about my own family. At one point before, I'm in a situation where i hate to go home, I hate to see my sibs and parents, but i'm really glad that those phase dah habis. Like seriously, things are too tough this semester, but family always the best place to go back to. I'm blessed enough with the best parents in the whole wide world. Yang bakal jadi menantu mama ayah nanti, percaya lah, anda insan paling bertuah di muka bumi ini. hahaha. sumpah, i don't know why did God gave me such amazing parents. Believe me, when u think you're done with your life, or you're feeling too lonely, or you think you don't have anyone anymore, believe me, go back to your parents, call them, balik rumah. They'll cure everything.

This particular matter, I learnt a whole lot. Seriously. I think i don't need to write it here sebab i don't think I'll ever forget about it.

Just, for future syera, remember one thing, you should be proud with yourself. You learnt how to not cepat melatah, you learnt to appreciate yourself, you learnt that it's okay to drive while crying badly, you learnt that in the end, it's okay if you're alone. Jangan pernah lupa how strong you can be, how rational you can be. Be proud with yourself dear.

These days, I think God love me a lil bit more than usual. Hahaha. Nak kata everything jadi senang pun tak. But, how to say this, erm, every single masalah yang berlaku, in the end, opened my eyes. I learnt that, bila kau usaha, kau akan dapat hasil yang setimpal. I learnt how strong I can be. And I also realized how traumatized I am disebabkan apa yang berlaku before. I don't know how i can end up being this scared. But sumpah aku takut. U guys will see me in confused mode these days. I'm not sure what to do now. I don't even understand what's happening. But i learnt that i need to thank to a certain person that give me hope to be a better person. I bet you don't even know what u did to me, but seriously, thank you. I'll try to be a better person. Satu je pesanan aku, don't play with others' hopes. I learnt enough before, and surely I can't afford to go trough those feelings again.

Dah, settle bab royanan. Dah boleh sambung buat assignments dengan tenang. Goodnight guys.

P/S: That one particular moment today, serious macam drama korea wei. hahahahaha. I'll say 'hi' to u soon. 

Someone who's confused with her own feelings,

Syera.

If you think you're the one, so, 'Hi'. You have no idea at all how much i want to say that word.

Plus, 'Thank you', simply because you deserve one ^^

Mot's Big Day

Assalamualaikum wbt... Hello humaaaannnnnn ^^

She's married anyway.. hahaha

So, last week, one of my best-est friend got married.. If u're a friend of mine or if u read one of my earliest post in this blog, u must know that i have this circle of best friend which we called ourselves as the so called 'SAWAN' which is obviously the shortform of our names being put together. So, last week, Atikah, a.k.a Mot got married..

Of course all of us were excited, thrilled, happy, sad and all the emotions mixed together. Few months before the wedding, we started few whatsapp groups, yes, few, more than one, hahaha, just to discuss about this upcoming wedding. There were days that we discussed on how emotional we're to let her go or how we thought she's still not ready yet for a marriage, like omg, i don't want any guy to live with Mot.. lol... She's 21 anyway. As all 5 of us grew up together, knowing each other for years, letting one go is not that easy, especially when we don't have any idea at all who the 'husband' is.

Anyway, we planned out everything a month before the marriage. As all five of us live far apart from each other, it's quite hard to set the time when all four of us, exclude the bride la kan, can be together. We booked a hotel, which accidently the hotel which where we had our final form 5 dinner before 

(quite nostalgic...hahahah) 

and at first we planned to get matching outfits. ala-ala bridesmaids la konon.. but then, when everything seems quite impossible, lupakan je hajat tu.. as long as all four of us can be there together to see our friend kawin, then anything else is not that important anymore.

Anyway, selain drpd excited kawan nak kawin, kitorang excited nak jumpa each other. its been quite a while since i last met them.. macam nora and wani, dekat 3 tahun tak jumpa.. aina dah few months, itupun nasib dia buat diploma dekat tapah, and mot last year kot.. However, sadly nora x dapat jumpa.. 
uni life kan.. kena faham..

We arrived in Taiping on Thursday (28thApril), checked in hotel lepas sesat dalam pekan taiping for half an hour waktu cari hotel.. lol, i don't know why on earth is it so difficult for me to digest the Taiping's map. seriously, totally lost. Drive plak dengan aina, memang cantik la... dua2 kekdahnya buta arah...haha

Malam tu dah dinner semua, kitorang iron baju sampai iron meletup dalam bilik hotel (thanks to Aina's scream, brought me back to hostel-life's memories), then sembang sampai pukul 3 pagi.

Esok nya, hari jumaat (29th april), we decided to visit our school which unexpectedly tengah buat hari sukan yang tak macam hari sukan.. takde perbarisan, takde hias khemah, x de muzik2 macam dulu, no balloons... 
pukul 10 pagi dah habis... sedih je kan.. but kitorang jumpa cikgu2, excitedly, some of the teachers still remember me, know my name.. 
that what made me most happy. At first we're so lost as most of our juniors during our school years are not there anymore, we end up not knowing anyone in the school, but somehow, there're still few juniors, yang waktu kitorang form 5, diorang form 1.. hahaha.. omg, kitorang so dah tua..

plus, few things made us realize how old we are. We saw Daniel anak teacher rozita yang dulu so kecik, lari2 dekat skolah, siap nangis2, he's a student of the school now. maybe form 1 or form 2.. then, arvind adik anand, dulu so berkepit dengan mak, sekarang dah jadi pengawas TT uollss.. siap bahas sampai kebangsaan lagi..

Then, i met my so called 'adik angkat' which i don't find it appropriate anymore, hahahaha, Afif najmi a.k.a randy.. dah form 5 dah pun.. dulu macam budak-budak je.. sekarang dah tinggi bkn main, nampak la dewasa sikit, dah jadi pengawas and study pun better now.. so proud of him somehow, all the best with SPM.

Dan, excitedly, i met my forever-and-ever lil sis, Aimi Amanina, during lunch. Dah lamaaaaaa tak jumpa dia. She's 20 now, OMG. Engineering student in USM. So yeah, I'm a proud big sis. But still, she's my lil sis forever.. Masih share stories macam dulu. Really really happy. Hope to see u again soon dear.

Next, malam, we went to have our dinner plus visited Mot's house for malam berinai konon nya malam tu, but then tak sangka pulak malam tu ada baca yaasin dulu baru berinai.. makanya, lepas isyak, tak sempat nak berinai, kitorang dah blah... sorry mot... hahaha 

(psstt: hint: dah beli tiket wayang earlier...hahahahah)

So, drive laju2 pi Taiping Sentral semata nak tengok movie bersama. 
However, secretly, I planned a surprise. hahaha.. x de la surprise mana pun. One of our junior wanted to join us that night, so, secretly i bought a ticket for him too without the other two tau.. tkejutla keduanya-duanya... hahaha.. 

quite a fun night.. balik hotel, disurprise kan lagi dengan delivery makanan di depan hotel, plus borak2 lepak sampai tah pukul brapa, nasib tak tetido dekat luar hotel.

Fast forward, esoknya, (30thApril), the Big Day, pagi2 bersiap.. checkout hotel and btolak ke bukit merah, nak tengok mot nikah. But before that, we picked up the junior yang melagha kan kitorang semalam tu from his house, hahahaha, and then baru drive ke sebuah surau di bukit merah yang mot nikah. Honestly, all of us so sedih plus emotional plus excited that morning.. hahaha, over sangat. Anyway, kitorang convoy dua kreta, my car and another car ada Aina and her soon-to-be zauj (Amiiinnnn....)

Sampai je depan surau, kitorang yang cuak2 tengok mot nak masuk surau nak nikah.. tak tau kenapa.. aku soo tak boleh bayang nanti aku kalau ada rezeki jadi bride, sah kaw2 punya cuak sampai menangis.. 
Maka, nikahlah seorang sahabat bernama Atikah. Hilang A sorang dari SAWAN, tinggal la SWAN sajohh... hahaha

Yang berniqab baju putih ala2 bidadari syurga tu sah2 la pengantin.. 

yang kat blakang tersorok 3 orang tu kawan pengantin.. hahaha.. 

yang kiri dah tak available, sorry..

Dan, inilah zauj si pengantin perempuan.. Ust. Ubaidullah kalau x silap... 

jaga kawan kami elok2 naa.

Nak jadi cerita, kitorang bertiga plus si pengantin dok jauh blakang sikit. Yang dekat depan penuh dengan lelaki and family2 pengantin.. 

sebabkan susah nak snap gambar ke record video, maka kitorang pun wakilkan satu2 nya lelaki yang kitorang kenal kat situ ke depan... 

sambil2 tu punya la dok tunggu bila akad nye.. dah macam berbisik2 je pengantin lelaki dengan ayah mot.. tunggu punya tunggu, tiba2 orang kata dah sah. Terus baca doa.. waitttttt, apakahhhh =='

Dah habis nikah, kitorang gerak ke Bukit Merah Club House tempat kenduri..

Tepi kolam wei.. panas2 tu, sabar je la tengok budak2 main dalam pool.

Dan inilah dia kaum kerabat batch 13 Taman Tasik.. brapa lama aku tak jumpa diorang, muka semua matured2 je.. abaikan rupa seorang syahirah yang berselemuih kepanasan plus muka ready nak drive balik..hehehehe

Plus, few things happened, but i don't think it's proper to share sad stories here. Simpan dalam hati je la.. Kita cerita yang best2 je k.

 Ingat sikit kawan yang kawen tu.. hahaha

So, anyway, dear Mot kesayangan...

Now u're someone's wife, I wish all the happiness for you and your new family. Be a good wife, be nice with each other, respect him, and have a harmonious life. I know you'll be happy with the new changes, you'll have someone to be with for the rest of your life. I'm not married yet, obviously, hahaha, but from all the cases I've read and heard, I'm quite sure there're ups and downs in marriage. Be patient, be strong, think what is best for the future ok. All four of us were sad to let u go knowing that it'll not be that easy to sneak you out for a lil girls' date afterward, but of course we're so happy now that someone will protect you and love you for the rest of your life. 

Remembering our lives as highschool girls, i never thought that one of us going to get married this fast.. Tak puas lagi lepak dengan korang. Yet, jodoh ditangan Tuhan kan.. hahaha. I can still remember clearly how you sneak me out from the hostel and brought me back to your house, tengah-tengah hujan naik scooter dengan helmet curi pakcik guard punya.. How we 'fly' together just because we wanted to eat McDonald. How we used to share stories dekat tangga hostel tetengah malam buta. I really really miss those time. But now, kalau nak buat camtu kena fikir banyak kali kot. Hahaha

Mot, congratulations again.. We'll always pray the best for u. You'll forever be our Mot. If u need any help, or want to hang out together once in a while, or whatever it is, just let us know. InsyaAllah, your friends will always be there for u. Nanti, dah nak ada baby pun bagi tau please. Mot Jr. need to know 'SWAN Aunties'. Take care Mot. Pandai2 bawak diri dekat dunia baru ok. Kalau rindu kitorang ke, gaduh ngan ustaz ke, bagi tau kitorang, nanti kitorang backup.. hahaha.. Take care Mot.. Kitorang sayang ang sangat2.

Wakil SWAN,

SYERA a.k.a 'S'

Lil Note from Yours Truly

Assalamualaikum and hello peeps ^^

Ermm, I don't have any plan to write a post for this time being sebab too busy with upcoming final.

But, after few of my recent posts, and a lot of people texted me about so many things, here i am trying to explain a few things.

First and foremost, thank you so much whoever that read my blog. From the bottom of my heart, niat asal buat benda alah blog ni because i really do love to write, i used to write cerpen, novel and such, but for the time being, a blog will do. I share my stories and pictures that happened throughout my life sebab takut in few years, I'll forget all the best moments in my life. 

Next, I know most of my readers came across my blog because of my posts on Foundation of Law or LLB. I'm so sorry to disappoint u that i only wrote few posts on these topics. I wrote about everything that happened in my life including my family life, 'friends life', love life, personal rant and so much more.. even all those random thoughts that i have out of nowhere. I know some of u annoyed when u're trying to know more about life as a law student, but end up reading posts by a broken hearted girl.. lol

FYI, I'm a normal girl, who's only 20 years old,  trying to survive her 'young life'. And it happened to be I'm a law student. A bad one to be exact. I'm so sorry for portraying all the good things that happened throughout my years as a law student only, but being a law student is not that great. Banyak lagi benda yang berlaku, the bad one, but i don't write it here. And of course, U can't expect all law students have the opportunities and rezeki like i do. Each of us have different stories or version of being a law student. What u read, minor stories that happened in mine. 

I'm truly honored if I inspired u somehow, which i can't understand at all, hahahaha, sjujurnya, I'm not a great person. Really. Whatever that happened, I'm just a lucky girl, diberi peluang, and i just grabbed whatever came across. Thats all. What I can say, ambil iktibar from what i shared. I have so many flaws, so dont be like me. I did a lot of mistakes, and i hope nobody will do the same thing. This Syahirah, trying her best to be better, did a LOT of mistakes in her life.

Thank you so much to those who give me kind words when i think I'm too terrible and almost give up, when I don't have any motivation to continue my life as a law student, when i have this ridiculous thought of give up on life. For all those words, thank you so much. May God bless each and everyone.

I'll share more stories about Indonesia, Thailand, France, Switzerland and my best friend who got married recently, after I'm done with my tests, assignments and final exam. Wish me luck, I'm trying my best to safe my pointer this semester. Lol. Amiiinnn..

*the 'oversize-potato', me..lol.. sorry

Hope to see more of your words..

Yours truly,

Syera