How everything started..

Assalamualaikum and hi..

So, last two days, in the middle of the night, someone texted me, asking a question. To be honest, I don't have any idea on who u are lil one, but i guess u're my junior. Maybe.. Anyhow, I'm so sorry for not replying because currently I'm too busy with uni life. But I'm answering it here, hopefully u'll read it somehow. 

So, she/he asked me, how everything started, by which means how i started with debate, mooting and such.

Tbh, i started joining competitions that required me to talk since I'm 8 or 9.. story telling, public speaking, syarahan agama.. every single year until I'm in Standard 6. Then, Form 1, I'm in Taman Tasik, 1 Farabi, my Malay Language teacher was Cikgu Rodzlina.. So, one day, we have the 'ujian lisan' or oral test, where we are required to talk on a topic for few minutes.. I prepared a speech and wrote some cheat-notes on a piece of paper.. I still remember how bad I trembled the moment i stood up in front of the class.. I'm trembling like crazy, sweating badly, but somehow, i manage to get through it.. 

Before going back to my desk, Cikgu Rodzlina asked me something. She said that she's going to introduce a Malay language debate club and she asked me if i want to join it or not as she only choose few students to be on the club. She said that i'll not be in the team yet as the school team usually made up of the seniors.. and i said ok.. i'll join.

So, i joined the club, and every wednesday evening we'll have the club meet up where we're basically trained to talk and built up our confidence level. One day, on the same year, when she's selecting students for the school team, i'm not sure why, but she asked me and megat acap if i'm not mistaken or aiman putra, i can't remember well, to the teachers' room and she asked us whether we want to join the team or not.. of course we want to, despite being too scared as we knew the team have Kak Ayuz, Abang Im and Kak Ain Wahida already.. so, she gave us a test.. But somehow, none of us selected, but out of nowhere, Anand joined the team..hahahaha..

The next year, I managed to joined the team, but somehow, i have a major problem. Despite being in the school debate team, I don't talk at all.. every single day, I'll be nagged by Cikgu Rodzlina, annoyed by how I'm being too quiet the whole training session.. She gave me a task, i need to give at least one 'izin laluan' or 'POI' during the whole session.. But guess what, I don't.. Instead, I pretended to be busy, writing back all the notes from my seniors, even though I end up writing the same thing for so many time. Once in a while, Cikgu Rodzlina will asked me to stop writing everything, and just focus on giving the question. Thank God, i have this super duper nice senior, Abang Im, which always give me his note or secretly wrote down question so to i have a question to ask him. Yup, he wrote me a question on a piece of paper so that i can ask him, and Cikgu Rodzlina will not get mad.. hahaha. 

I'm so lucky as I started in a strong team. When i joined the team when I'm 14, the team have been the Perak's representative each year. So that year, i'm the reserve debater. When I'm 15, I started to be the main debater with Anand.. And from then on, we've been to the National round each year until we're 17. Anand and I always in the team, few new faces each year. Anand, being a great debater, don't have much problem through out the journey. But, being a debater with so many flaws, i always being targeted by Cikgu Rodzlina. At one point, i really hate Anand as he looked like 'anak emas' Cikgu Rodlina, but for me, I always end up being scolded every single day. Cikgu Rodzlina trained me in a very strict way, for 4 years. From someone who cant even talk, to someone who always tremble, someone who have great stage fright to someone who can't remember my own script, end up reading the whole speech and till Form 5, finally, I'm able to talk without depending on the script..

Cikgu Rodzlina never give up on us. She tried her best to give us opportunities to gain new debate experience. She drove us to MCKK and to SBPI Gopeng (how i started to know Aiman Syahmi) for friendly matches each year. She brought us to join open debate competition in Selangor via train. She drove us to every single competition. She did everything she could.

Throughout the strict training, I grew up with the mind set to be a better debater each day. I know I'm not born with talent like Anand, that's why i work so hard. Sometimes i want to give up, but i know, if i gave up, I'll never get the respect from others.. So, basically that's how everything started.

During my asasi year in UiTM, I don't have any idea about their Malay language debate team, and i'm really scared to join the English debate team as i know how bad my English is, but somehow, i challenged myself to join the moot competition. I entered UKM, and got the opportunity to be part of UKM's debate team on my first month in UKM. Manage to go to quarter final despite being the youngest one there, learnt a lot from the debate itself and somehow, mirically, i met Abang Im and Kak Ain Wahida again, but we're in different team. He's in the UPM team, Kak Ain in the UMS team if I'm not mistaken and I'm in UKM team, only God knows how happy I am to meet them again. Then I'm selected to be in UKM's moot team. I failed on the first moot competition, i thought i'll quit moot already. But i challenged myself for the 2nd time, thanks to the great teammates and helps from lecturers and friends, I won the national round, and am going to the International round soon..

All and all, however far i go, how many awards and win i get, i'll never forget the one who bring me to where i am right now, the one who raised me up with her strict guidance, the one who taught me to brave up and challenge myself, the one who brought out the better me, the one who i respect most, the best teacher on earth.

 Cikgu Rodzlina.

Thank you Cikgu for everything. Will never forget u. 

I'll do my best to make u proud.

Anak murid kesayangan Mama Rodz (heheheheh),

Syahirah Azahar

#sad

Hey...

It's 2.19 am now, and i have something in mind that keep me awake, i want to share with someone, but obviously i have none, how i wish i can have one..

So yeah, almost a month ago, i had a terrible terrible night, i cried most that night.

 That was the first time ever i cried that bad...and as for right now, i'm living my life.. Sometimes, it feels so hard with all the changes.. Usually, all the time, i feel somehow protected, safe, cared and not alone.. but then, things happened, and trying to live a new life, is quite awful.. 

like a baby being separated from her mom for the first time..

I'm clueless and unsecured

Losing love is so hurtful..

But on top of that, I lost my best friend, which hurts me the most.

I've never ever ever imagine the idea of losing a best friend, but when that situation happened, I'm affected so bad.

I don't have many best friends.. but surely you're one of them. Maybe you're my Best-Friend-Forever (see how much i value u as a friend ^^)

But yeah, things happened, and I'm sad..

We are different than others..

First, you're my friend.. 

Then, you're my loved one..

And, at one point, you turned out to be my bestfriend too..

And somehow, you're my so much more afterward..

I guess, being a friend, a lover, a bestfriend, an abang, and so much more at the same time is so hard..

Sorry for creating so much responsibilities and characters in your life, when you've the option not to be any on the first place..

But, you always did great job for each and every role, every time ^^ 

except as a pharmacist, u know i hate pills ^^

erm.. want to know what i hate most these days..

I need to hide my tears..

It's hard.. 

But then, don't worry.. You know me well enough to know how strong i can be..

I really did meroyan a lot..

But don't worry, I'm not crazy enough to terjun bangunan ke apa..

You're not here anymore like before, but somehow, for some reason, u're still here, beside.

If i'm getting it wrong, i'm sorry..

But that is the fact, to me, you've never left.

#mym

be safe, wherever you are.

the one who miss her bestfriend and loved one in the middle of the night,

Me.