Assalamualaikum... hello ^^
Sebenarnya, niat hati nak tulis pasal Geneva, walaupun dah berkurun balik Malaysia, pegi sana pun sekejap sangat, tapi masihlah, nak tulis before terlupa.. But then, rasa nak tulis something more important now, then baru sambung cerita Geneva.
Just a short life update, pengajaran hidup, perubahan dalam hidup, dari bulan satu, and now dah masuk June. At least, nanti agak-agak dah putus harapan, boleh patah balik tengok belakang, and see how far diri sendiri dah pegi, and how strong i can be.
January, bulan yang sangat tough for me, as a girl, as a lover. Somehow, people just leave whenever they want to. But the one who's left behind, helplessly, grasping the new reality. Affected badly. Traumatic. Blaming myself for an unknown reason. I kept saying, 'he left me because of myself. Maybe, I'm not good enough, or not pretty, or not as cool as other girls, or..' and the list goes on. But then, slowly, i started to appreciate myself more. I learnt that, God planned everything perfectly that at one point, I let him go from my life voluntarily. But, another problem muncul. I started to build up barrier to that particular gender. Tapi nak kata tolak terus pun tak gak. Friends still ok je. But more than that, jujur aku takut. I'm hurt enough. Almost nak cakap yang guys sucks, but then teringat how cool my ayah is, so nevermind. lol.
But seriously, even though I can say that I'm fully in 'move on' mode, but I can't stop wondering on how far can a guy breaks a girl heart? Like seriously, how can a guy be that bad.. But of course, aku yakin aku banyak belajar dari whatever happened. Aku tau yang bila aku berubah, aku tak pandang belakang dah.
Next, tentang my achievement this year. Ramai tanya, how to have the same experience, or ada jugak yang kata, untungla dapat pegi merata. Again, just like what i explained before, I'm not a smart student, I'm not a good debater or mooter, I'm not a fluent English speaker, like seriously, faaaaaaaarrrrr from that, and my parents bukan orang kaya. Biasa2 je. But then, I learnt that, sometimes, Tuhan campak peluang depan mata, selebihnya terpulang dekat kau nak grab ke tak, nak usaha ke tak. Aku berani kerat jari takde sapa nak bagi kau bejalan free camtu je. Nobody. But, kalau kau pandai cari ruang, peluang, rajin sikit isi essay2 tu, you can experience more than what i did. Percaya cakap aku, bila orang offer or bila kau nampak peluang, just grab it. Jangan fikir, 'taknaklah, english aku teruk, segan je nak pegi' or 'ehhh, malaslah nak tulis essay sampai 500words, bukannya diorang pilih aku pun nanti' or yang lagi teruk 'ermmm, takpelah, aku kan orang Melayu, pergi join pun buat malu je'.
Kalau kau buat perangai macam tu, aku berani janji, kau duduk je la kat mana kau ada sekarang. You'll never grow, you'll never jejak tanah orang, you'll never experience what others did, because, kau sendiri yang tolak rezeki.
This semester, i really learnt a lot about my own family. At one point before, I'm in a situation where i hate to go home, I hate to see my sibs and parents, but i'm really glad that those phase dah habis. Like seriously, things are too tough this semester, but family always the best place to go back to. I'm blessed enough with the best parents in the whole wide world. Yang bakal jadi menantu mama ayah nanti, percaya lah, anda insan paling bertuah di muka bumi ini. hahaha. sumpah, i don't know why did God gave me such amazing parents. Believe me, when u think you're done with your life, or you're feeling too lonely, or you think you don't have anyone anymore, believe me, go back to your parents, call them, balik rumah. They'll cure everything.
This particular matter, I learnt a whole lot. Seriously. I think i don't need to write it here sebab i don't think I'll ever forget about it.
Just, for future syera, remember one thing, you should be proud with yourself. You learnt how to not cepat melatah, you learnt to appreciate yourself, you learnt that it's okay to drive while crying badly, you learnt that in the end, it's okay if you're alone. Jangan pernah lupa how strong you can be, how rational you can be. Be proud with yourself dear.
These days, I think God love me a lil bit more than usual. Hahaha. Nak kata everything jadi senang pun tak. But, how to say this, erm, every single masalah yang berlaku, in the end, opened my eyes. I learnt that, bila kau usaha, kau akan dapat hasil yang setimpal. I learnt how strong I can be. And I also realized how traumatized I am disebabkan apa yang berlaku before. I don't know how i can end up being this scared. But sumpah aku takut. U guys will see me in confused mode these days. I'm not sure what to do now. I don't even understand what's happening. But i learnt that i need to thank to a certain person that give me hope to be a better person. I bet you don't even know what u did to me, but seriously, thank you. I'll try to be a better person. Satu je pesanan aku, don't play with others' hopes. I learnt enough before, and surely I can't afford to go trough those feelings again.
Dah, settle bab royanan. Dah boleh sambung buat assignments dengan tenang. Goodnight guys.
P/S: That one particular moment today, serious macam drama korea wei. hahahahaha. I'll say 'hi' to u soon.
Someone who's confused with her own feelings,
Syera.
If you think you're the one, so, 'Hi'. You have no idea at all how much i want to say that word.
Plus, 'Thank you', simply because you deserve one ^^
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