2016

Hey.. Hi..

Happy 2016 anyway.. 

even though half a month had passed, i'm not that late maybe...

So.. I've just done with my last paper for part 3 of 2nd year LLB.

Hows my papers? Terrible. Done. Hahahaha

Anyway, few people asked me what exactly happened? Suicide is it? 

Sorry, I'm still alive. Half dead to be exact.

Erm, few things happened. Though ones. But yeah, life goes on.

I learnt few things along my 3rd semester. 

And I'm not sure how much i grew up.

As a law student, 2nd year is damn hard. 

It's not about the classes, well thats another thing, but who i am as a 2nd year law student, i'm such a mess. What happened to me during my 4th year of highschool, happened again. The rebellious era. I don't want to study, i don't want to do assignments, i don't want to hang out with friends, i hate books.

And i'm sick. A lot. This is my first time not going to classes for so many time. 

And i can't believe i can end up with such a 'sickness'. 

And for few reasons, i only revealed it to my bestfriend. I don't have the guts to tell mama and ayah. They will surely cry if they knew about it.

Don't worry, I'm not going to die.. am I?

well, i'm getting my treatment well at least.

So, i'm still alive after my last paper, means i survived first part of my 2nd year.

Next, how's my life as a syera or hera or ira or whoever she is..

To be honest, it's pitch black now. 

Everything i planned and imagined before seems impossible.

I learnt that i can love someone that much.. 

too much even for me to understand.

I never thought that tough syera before, can have that super-soft-sensitive heart.

You can caci maki me for no reasons, you can tengking me as much as you want, and i can end up being hell of a bitch to u.

But then, when it comes from my family, or bestfriends, or loved one, i just cant.That strong, tough syera just lose herself.

'Go and change yourself'

How much more should i change myself? Will you guys accept me in your life if i change that one thing.. am i that horrible.. am i that bad.. am i that annoying.. why cant i have happiness like others..

i want to be happy too.. i want to laugh too.. i want to smile too.. 

Can't I?

I've been practicing this for a long long time.. 

I'm a bitch maybe.

anyway, I've though about this a lot. And no matter how much and how deep i think about this, it never changes. i guess you're the one.

I don't know when, and i don't know why..

but I know how and i know who..

So yeah, I'll grow up.. i still have few years isnt it..

when the time comes, lets give another shot cause i can sense endless potential in this relationship.

till then, u know what to do..

you know everything that i would say..

and you know exactly what i want to hear..

So yeah, till then..

p/s: Just in case you want confirmation, i'm still staying..

Really tried my best to not be straight forward,

Syera/Ira

This one movie that gives me a lot to learnt..

and this song, despite its simple verses, it serves a whole lot more than it should..

i guess that's all for the 1st half of first month of 2016. 

Stay strong guys.. stay happy.. reflect yourself and try to improve..

you'll be a better person.

And, whoever you're, i love u..

just in case you think nobody loves you, just remember u have one here..