How I Wish...

Assalamualaikum and hi

I don't usually do this. 6.41pm, currently in Gloria Jean, all alone, trying my best to finish my case analysis assignment as quick as possible as the battery of my lappy only have 40 mins left. I'm busy. Too busy. But this 5 mins, i just want to share something I've been longing this whole week.

How I wish people can respect me as much as how I respect them. No need sugar-coated words as actions speak louder than words. 

How I wish I can go home. I miss my parents, I miss my cat, I miss my bed, I miss home-cooked food, I miss everything about my home.

How I wish I can just go for a drive at night, with coffee, enjoy the songs and a lil chat.

How I wish I can go for a random short trip like before. Genting, PD, Starbuck, Mamak. Nothing that expensive. I just want to see diff places, diff atmosphere.

How I wish I have time to focus on my study only just like everyone else, so that I wont feel stupid in class, i wont feel left behind by my batchmates.

How I wish i have my other half. Not to brag about, not about going to fancy date and not even about expensive gifts, just your presence make me feel safe and I know there's someone that always support my decisions. Being independent is a nice thing, but being lonely is too sad.

How I wish I dont need to feel jealous. There's always someone much prettier than me, that thinking about their existence alone make me feel bad. 

How I wish I can be like other girls, loved by others instead of being scared.

How I wish everything can be much easier.

How I wish....

Someone not that happy with her life,

Me 

Random Rant (051116)

Assalamualaikum and Hi

Hahahahahaha...

Anywayyyy, dah lama sangat tak tulis apa2. The last one on last July. And now, it's November already. I don't even write anything about my birthday simply because there's nothing to share about. To sum up what'd happened for the past few months, erm, I'm terribly busy with my classes, assignments, programs, competitions and heartache (lulss....)

So, i'll skip that 'classes, assignments, programs, competitions' part and straightly jump to that heartache part. Lol. If you wanna read something about law or debate or mooting or my travel experience, I'm not going to write any today, so, maybe you can read my blog again hari lain..

Erm, honestly after everything that happened before, tak pernah langsung I imagine that we're still going to talk, and tease, and sit across each other or whatever it is. Never. I thought, that's it. I'm truly embarrassed, one of the most embarrassing part of my life, and I believe, i should stop somehow. I tried, i really did, but certain feelings, u just cant deny. Tried to push you away, and it's hard.

Then, I don't know how it happened, but we end up almost like before eventhough not as close as before. Weird enough, every single day, i really really try to remind myself that I need to stay professional, try to stop myself from crossing the line u draw. But, it's too hard. Sometimes, i don't realized that some of my words and actions are not from 'Syera' or 'Hira', but from 'Ira'. Trying to remind myself that i should not get used to it as it's going to end soon, i'm terribly hurt. Being teased by people around me, i started to build up hope, but then, the next day, you'll crush every single hope that i created. 

Sad truth, but thats it. 

Honestly, i'm really really happy for the past few weeks. Happy too much. But i know, that happiness is just temporary. I know there's a countdown. Hate to admit, but still, those few days that I have left went by too quickly. There're moments that I really wish I can stop the time, but obviously I'm not God. What you did and what you said simply gave me all those up and down of emotions. And what your friends' said make my heart fluttered. But in the end, I know that I'm hoping for something that's not going to happen. Few weeks ago, I asked myself to really enjoy and appreciate those time i have left, but these days, I started to remind myself that i need to learn to stop. So that i wont hurt myself again. A year ago, when he left, he remind me that all those hope and expectations wont happen. Not even one. And i believe that, if i stay with the mindset that 'it's going to happen', I'll be crushed again. 

I'm scared. But then, that's it. If there's one thing that i can do after this, that'll be learn to let go, watch from afar and pray the best for them.

So, syera, don't blame yourself for feeling that way. It's okay to like someone. But then, for this time, u know that you need to let go soon. Dont rely too much, dont cling that much, just dont. Dont get hurt this time. Please.

Words from yourself to yourself,

Syera.

*don't forget this*

*simply because it defines exactly how we are ^^*