A much needed rant : 28th April 2021

*Disclaimer: This post was written on 28th April 2021. 2.10 am. Few months before turning 26 y.o. I'm not sure when I'll publish this post, or most probably end up as a draft forever. But if you're reading this post now, that means I'm successfully overcome one of the toughest periods in my life.

It has been almost 2 years since the last time I met people other than my parents, my sibs 

and J&T people.

What actually happened in my life?

3 years ago, right after law school, I decided to do my chambering. As someone who doesn't have any family members or close seniors (plus, I'm a total introvert) in the legal field, I'm not sure who I can refer to to get advice on what to do next after law school. I totally depended on the words passed on by alumni and seniors to my fellow friends. The only seniors I knew were those who had only been in the industry for less than 5 years. So, like any other law grads, the only thought that went through my mind at that moment was to do my pupil-in-chamber as 'sayang la kalau penat belajar asasi setahun and law school 4 tahun but tak chambering and call to the bar'. So, with that mindset, during my final semester of law school, I started to apply to as many law firms as possible (mid to big law firms).

Luckily, I got a call for an interview from a big law firm. I'm honestly so surprised as my pointer is not that good, I graduated with a 2nd upper. The interview was superrrr long, more than an hour. And shockingly, I'm offered a pupillage placement at the first interview I'm called for. Again, as I don't know many seniors/alumni, I only ask the opinion of a few of my friends, seniors, and lecturers. Like any other law grads would say, placement for chambering is like a lucky draw. You'll never know what you'll go through in any firm no matter what's their size, where they're situated, or how much allowance they're offering. It's more of a case-by-case basis. Some were lucky enough to get into a firm with many learning experiences offered, a nice working environment, great pupils friends, and reasonable allowance.

In my case, it was a mix of everything. Tbh, it's not anyone's fault. Maybe I was not the right person and not ready for that working environment at that moment. I went through some culture shocks at first, tried my best to overcome them, did my best to find my spot in that environment, and trying to learn as much as possible. Some works, some failed miserably. Tbh, it was hard for me. Somehow at some point, I covered my miserableness with a countdown. Every single day I count how many days are left till I get called to the bar. 

Well, I did survive till longcall. Despite those days when I cried alone in the toilet or left alone uninvited to meetups, being the only one who can't understand the conversation as I can't understand the language etc. Again, I don't blame anyone. It's my fault in the end for not being able to adapt myself and find my place in the environment. So, after my longcall, I still need to go to the firm to file my papers. At that point, I'm already back in Perak, so I have to drive all the way to KL once every two weeks. And each time I stepped into the firm, I end up being very anxious. It started off with mild shaking, then I started to have breathing difficulty. It went so bad a few times till I decided, I had enough of all these, I can't do it anymore, and I'm not supposed to feel anything like this in my life.

So, one day, I just stop everything. I stop contacting my friends, deleted all my tweets, and nobody can contact me. Of course, a few of my friends started to feel I was suddenly off the radar and started to get worried. And few days turned into few weeks. Few weeks turned into few months. And those few months turned into almost 2 years.

It's not just that firm. I literally started to have sort of trauma against anything related to the legal industry/jobs. I was shaking so bad when I watched a drama about lawyers and when FB suddenly send a reminder of pictures of me during chambering days.

By the end of 2019, I was sicked for almost 3 months till early 2020. Then Covid struck. When I started to have a lil bit of courage to get a job back, suddenly no company or firm are hiring. Most of them started to close their business. No matter how many job application emails I send out, no matter how low the salary I asked for, nobody is hiring. Most of the time, I don't even get a rejection email. At the same time, I saw pictures, tweets, and updates of my friends getting a stable income, getting married, having kids, further their studies etc. I felt so small and I felt like I had failed my life, I did everything wrong and there's nothing I can do to overcome it. 

I started doubting God. I tried my best with job applications and govt exams, but none works. I feel like my life just crumbled, and suddenly I can't see anything called 'future'. I cried every night alone at home. I hide from family events. Each time I went for a job interview, I failed to give my 100% as those interviews were the only time I talked with other people rather than my parents and siblings.

And it's 28th April 2021. I lost almost 2 years of my life. I don't know when I'll overcome this period. Last night, my mama asked whether I have any plan. Whether I applied for any other job. Whether I want to go further my study. 'Kalau Kak Ngah nak sambung belajar pun tak apa, ma ayah boleh tanggung lagi'. 

I feel miserable. I feel like a failure. 

I can't even look into her eyes. 

What should I do?

I tried my best in everything, I really did. I always tell myself to be kind to others. I push myself to step out of my comfort zone. I always promised myself to give 110% for whatever I did. 

But why nothing works for me. 

I can't even look straight into my parents' eyes, how can I face my friends and family members.

Being almost 26 and still financially dependant on my parents, I feel useless. 

I'm supposed to be the one to support them, but I'm the burden instead.

Help.

.

.

.

.

I miss my old life. I miss my friends. I want a normal life too.

.

.

.

.

That's all I have for now. I hope the next update will be a positive one.

Me,

Syera (28/04/2021)

My Last Letter For You

Dear you from back then,

This is my last letter to you. The last time I met you was more or less 3 years ago. And for the past 3 years, I've been hating, missing, mad and cursed at you a lot. I really did. The first few months, I was in denial. I'm not sure how everything ends up that way. I'm so confused. Then, the next few months I started to hate you and cursed you a lot. The past few months, I must admit, somehow I missed you. It's not easy when you thought you've moved on, but end up having flashbacks of our memories. 

Once in a while, when things were too bad and too much for me to handle, I end up texted you and regretted my action the very next minute. I know, to text you again by itself is a wrong action, and texting you while knowing that you're someone's someone is even worse. That's why I end up deleting all those conversations. I'm sorry. 

As an introvert, I'm not that good at opening up to people. It just happened that you're the one who successfully makes me feel comfortable and I end up letting you enter my bubble. And for almost 3 years, I have relied on you maybe for too much. It's too burdensome for you I guess. So you left. I was lost. I don't know where to go, whom to talk to, which number to dial, who to text with, who should I ask questions, who can help me to make decisions,  who can I laugh with.. I kept everything to myself and it was unbearable. 

After our break up, it took me months or even years to move on. I can still remember how hard it was when I decided to throw away our pictures, to delete our conversation, to delete our songs, to learn to not use your perfume. It was so hard. When I completely forgot about you, you somehow appeared again. I saw your pictures on other people's Instagram, I walked passed someone who used the same perfume as yours and I heard songs from our days.  To make it even weirder, at one point, I realized that I've forgotten how you look like, but you appeared in my dreams multiple times. I have no idea why.

At this point, you must be wondering why this is the last letter? 

We became 'we' right after high school. That's when I made most of the important decisions in my life. I can't deny the fact that your existence, your words, and your presence influenced my decisions in one way or another. I decided to pursue Foundation in Law without any plan to pursue a degree in the same field. I graduated with a bachelor of law and in less than 10 days, I will be called to the Bar as an advocate & solicitor. As my long journey in life that has your influence in it will end soon, I do believe this last letter is needed. 

When I did my Foundation, you're there. When I stepped into my degree years, you were there too, but you decided to leave not long after that. My imagination and wish of having you during my graduation crumbled. And now that I'm going to be called to the Bar, I have no idea where you are. 

Anyway, as I'm at this point in my life, I knew and I'm sure that you're my past, and I'm okay with it.

So, dear you,

I'm pretty much sure you'll not see this post, but in case, a few years from now, you somehow remember about my existence and decided to check this blog again, I just want you to know few things.

First, thank you. Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for creating good memories with me. Thank you for giving me lessons that I'll never be able to learn from others.  Thank you for being my first in a lot of things. Thank you for your time, for your effort, and for your presence. You were there when I need you the most. You were there as my friend, as my loved one, as my so-much-more. 

Second, sorry. I'm so sorry for not being a great partner. I was young back then. Clueless most of the time. But you guide and protect me well. I have been inconsiderate and short-tempered sometimes, but you stayed by my side and tried your best to understand my decisions. Sorry for not being there when you need me. You must have thought of leaving a lot of times but me, being inconsiderate and oblivious, I asked you to stay when you just want to leave. Sorry for being clueless again when you left. 

Third, Goodluck. I got to know you first as this one sweet young man. At one point you changed a lot that sometimes, I barely able to recognize you. But I know you became a great young man when you left. And I do believe you'll be a better person in the future. Whatever you're pursuing or planning to do in the future, I wish you all the best wishes. Goodluck. You'll do just fine.

Last but not least, thank you so much for everything. I'm okay now. I'll be just fine. You used to say that I'll be just fine because you'll always be there for me, but I can proudly say now that I'll be just fine on my own. Ira kan kuat.. Ira abang kuat. Ira dah graduate. Ira akan longcall soon. Ira achieved all that. Thanks to you, I learned to be stronger. Abang, thank you. 

Thank you for being there before. I'll be okay on my own from now on.

Thank you for being my abang.

This is my last letter.

Take care.

XOXO,

Ira.

Degree Law UKM Part 6 (final)

Hi peeps..

Can’t believe I finally wrote something again on this blog. Like finallyyyyy.. Lol. The last time I wrote here was on November 2017. And finally write something again on January 2019. Procrastinating at its best ^^

Honestly, I did plan on deleting this blog a few months ago. Why? One of the main reason is that I want to start everything back, a more mature content and somehow I really want to just delete everything, but at the same time, I feel bad on the thought of deleting all these “memories” even though most of my posts were on my sad-love-life or my almost-die-study experience.

Anywayyy, here I am updating the blog about my life, longggg after I’m done with my study, yes people, I’ve graduated. I’m legit a law graduate now. And, currently a pupil at a law firm which I never thought I’ll end up here.

I’m currently in my 4^th month of pupillage, not sure how I’m able to survive these 4 months, but I did. and I’m not sure what I want to do next, should I stay in this kind of life, honestly, no. But the fact that I’m already 23 (24 in few months.. yes, I'm that old now) but still depends on my parents financially doesn’t make me feel that well. It depends on money, happiness or passion. If I’m up for money, then this kind of life is the answer to it. If I’m up for happiness, AirAsia or Mavcom surely is the answer. But if I’m going for the passion, then LLM or Master is the way to go. 

Plus, the fact that I’m not sure what I really want to do in the future, I need some more time to figure it out. The fact that I’m trying to further my study without any fund, which means I don’t have my own saving, and I surely not in a position to ask for my parents’, so the only way is to find a fully funded scholarship. Like everything. Flight, tuition fee, monthly stipend, everything. And the only answer for it that suits my qualification is these two particular scholarships. One will start accepting the application on February while another one’s due date is on the last day of January, and here I am, started preparing since November. Will update on this whole scholarship and whatnot story later (God knows when).

For this post, I’ll update about life during final sem of the final year of law school, the looking-for-pupillage-placement phase and the graduation phase. The first 4 months of pupillage phase and the search-for-scholarships phase will be done later (crossed all ten fingers) lol.

So, first thing first, hows my final semester of law school? To be very honest, I don’t remember much about it… hahaha, what do you expect, I can’t even remember what happened last week. Anyway, on a more serious note, I will always remember how hard it was. Rushing on due dates, assignments, tasks, tests, and whatnot. Some subjects and classes were a bit more relaxed while others were terribly tough. It is hard when you’re the firm leader, but you know nothing most of the time. I did try my best to make it fair and square, but of course, there’ll always be dramas and conflicts in any firms. 

So yeah, but in the end, we completed our tasks as a firm without much problem and pretty much peacefully. We even went for our first and last dinner as a firm, which is quite nice and I’m still in contact with most of them till now. If you asked me how hard my last semester, I did cry once because of a presentation (imagine you have to repeat the same presentation 4 times..), I faced a stressful moment when our trial delayed few weeks when I have other assignments to do an exam is around the corner, and God knows what Dr. Mizan did during trial (my script was snatched from my hand.. asked hard questions and whatnot…Dr Mizan anyway). But, I must say that at one point, you will realize that everything went very very very fast. Out of nowhere, it’s the end of law school. 

And owh, we had a crisis with one of our lecturer.. hahaha.

Anyway, once all these done, there were two things stuck in my mind. First, where and when I should apply for my pupillage. It was one of the hardest moment ever. I did start doing my research and prepared my documents a few months before law school ended. But with average results and average achievement, I’m not confident at all with my cv to apply for pupillage placement. Only God knows how many firms that I emailed till I received a reply from one firm. I was called for the interview. And guess what, I was offered a placement. And here I am right now, doing my pupillage in the first firm who replied my email and called me for an interview. Lucky. Again.

My last paper was in June. And I started my pupillage in September. So what did I do for the 2 months in the gap? I did something pretty much randomly. Here’s the story. 

Few weeks before my final semester’s exam, Prof. Faridah texted me, and she asked whether I’m interested to join this one moot competition for the last time. The competition is like a month after my last paper. Again, it was about IHL and ICL. International Criminal Law. That’s something new. So, I give it a thought. And here’s the best part. It will be a group of 4 mooters, two mooters per side. All of them are 2nd-year students. Kuhan, Hamsa and Izzat Amir. Yes, I’m the only final year student. And yes, I coached them for their Jean Pictet before. Lol. Andddd, it’ll be in Nuremberg, Germany. THE Nuremberg. That Nuremberg, at that Germany…. And somehow, the kids pretty much did everything about our fund to join the competition. My role? Just do my best for my side and help the kids with some of the law that they have yet learned like the public international law, a bit of IHL and a bit of evidence law. Which is a hugeeee stress for me. The fact that the relied on me a lot gave me a serious headache. But, everything went well I guess. We joined the competition (so, I need to write another post for this one I guess. A longgggggg post for this one) and yeah. 

Arrived back in Malaysia in August. Have a few weeks to find a new house and pupillage started the 3^rd of September. Quite rush that time. 

Sometime in November, I officially graduated. One of the best moment of my life. Really really love to see how excited my parents were. I hope they're proud of me. Will never forget the feelings when I chocked when we're asked to do bow to our parents direction during the graduation ceremony. And that's my first robe. Hopefully another one soon. That's all for now I guess. Somehow I summarized everything that happened in a year into few paras. Sorry guys. I'll write more soon. I hope. 

Till then, pray hard for Syera.

Degree Law UKM: Part 5

Assalamualaikum and hi kiddies ^^

So, the last post was like 3 months ago, and finally write a new one. 

Good job Syera =='

Anyway, this is another update of my degree life. Almost done, but hell of a ride. Feels like it takes forever to complete the final year, but insyaAllah will end soon. Plus, warning, this post will be damn long, so yeah, bear with me.

1. Study life

Erm, yeah, finally I'm in my final year. To be exact, first semester of my final year (7th semester). And it was damn hard. Lol. 7 subjects, 4 papers for final exam, and infinity amount of assignments and presentations. 

Anyway, for final year law students in UKM, we'll be divided into few groups. Each group (or so called 'firm') consists of 5 or 6 students from diff background (races and gender). And all tasks and assignments for each subject need to completed as a group. And that is the best and the worst part actually. The best part is you'll not do everything alone, and the worst part is, you'll not do it alone =='. As someone who prefer to do everything on my own, having a group of people is a tough situation. But I'm the luckiest person ever as my firm mates are those of easy going friends. Easy to work with, no fuss over small matters and very considerate. To make it even worst, I'm the group leader (a very bad one). So yeahhhh...

Anyway, so far, too many work load, but still, still bearable. Still survive. Hopefully. 

Owh, if I can complain anything about final year, why on earth we need to print a lottttt of docs. Hahahaha.. like seriously, a lot. All those paper, ink cartridge for printer, paper clips and stapler. Next, the assignments... whyyyyyyyyyyy so manyyyyyy... like seriously, A LOT. A lot is one thing, but at least, dearest lecturers, please pre-plan it beforehand and please don't create new task out of nowhere. Pleaseeee.. (jjebal.....)

And one of my concern these days is about the next step after graduation. Hhahaha, even though I'm far from graduating (like seriously syera, you have another whole semester to think about this) but seriously, I'm worried about this matter. Where  should I do my chamber in pupil, should i do it or not, should i choose big firm, medium or small, will there be any firm that accept my bad result. Like seriously, I'm so stress and depressed thinking about this thing.

2. Love life

Hahahaha... as for this one, yup, still same old syera. Forever alone. Lol. Anyway, I'm not in that desperate phase to find that one man, whoever you are. But I am at that point of life where my some of my friends are getting married and engaged, and the rest have found their other half. As for syera, still half, another half still a mystery.. hahaha. 

But of course, like other girls, of course I'm praying hard to meet 'the one' soon. Like seriously, 2 years ago, I can go everywhere all alone and feel great and proud to be alone. But nowadays, when I'm out alone, I'm starting to notice (or just my imagination) that everyone, like literally everyone are with their partner and being lovey dovey in public (like seriously guys, do you have to.... ==) couples in cinema, couples in restaurant, couples doing groceries shopping, couples in H&M girls' section (like seriouslyyyy)

But somehow, I'm actually totally fine with being alone. Not that I don't want one, but I'm so done with being played and I'm not in any position to be in a childish relationship. hahaha. Not that I'm not moved on from the previous, but still, I'm scared that those thing will happen again. Dear guys, here's a little advice:

1. If you're not serious about that relationship, don't do it in the first place. 

Don't do like 'test water' or 'test compatible ke tak' or 'saja nak try'. If you want to, main The Sims online then. Like serious, it might be easy for you to say 'that's it' or 'let stop doing this' or 'I don't think I'm good enough for you' or 'lets break up' and what not. You have no idea how much your action will affect the girl's life. It takes years to heal and fully move on, or might even never. 

2. Jodoh

Owh, and please don't do 'kalau ada jodoh ada la' kindof thing. It's true theoretically, spiritually and whatnot, but boy, when u said that while texting and flirting another girl, what kindof jodoh are u talking bout. Your concept of jodoh and my concept of jodoh are totally dif. What kind of mazhab are you following.... 

3. If you have another girl, just admit it

Yup, just say it. Admit it. 85% of the time, we knew it already, just waiting for you to admit it. Don't read your list of excuses or you 100 reasons why to say sorry and whatnot. Like seriously, we don't care. Just admit you have another girl, sorry and goodbye. More than that, just keep it to yourself. 

4. Don't text your ex and said that i wish i ......

This is the biggest wtf.. hahahaha.. like seriously boy, you damn left me before, said how bad I am, and how other guys would do the same thing that you did, and billion years later, you you text her back and said, I wish I ........ like wth, you have no right to wish anything. Hahahaha. Just keep your wishes to yourself or just give it away to your girl, she's so great kannnnn.

Hahahaha... done emo. Anyway, yes, I'm quite at the lonely side as my cousins are getting married, most of them already engaged, basically I'm next on the line. My closests friends found their other half already, even the guys who i thought would not get into all these things any soon. But, yeah, I believe, insyaAllah, kalau ada, he'll be a great man ever (God is writing the best plot twist ever, better than any kdrama.. hahahaha) or, if not pun, maybe God gave me the chance to fell in love before and thats it. Thats my portion for this life. Hahaha. 

P/s: I'm joining the marriage course this weekend in my university simply because they're offering it much cheaper than taking the course outside. Walaupun tiada calon, seorang syera gigih ye mendapatkan sijil. Not sure if i will ever use the cert tho.

3. Friend life

Erm, not sure how to put this into words. Urmm, if you really know me, there are few people that I'm really closed too (that 'are' change into 'were' now). Yes, I have only few friends, and yes, I lost almost all of them. I'm sad, frustrated, annoyed. All at the same time. I'm not sure whose fault it is, but if I have to blame anyone, it would be myself. few situations:

1. One of the closest people in my life. The one that I thought 'forever' is possible. Yet I'm wrong. we hurt each other badly. She tried to fix it, but not sure my heart push the effort away. Whether the wound is too deep, or I'm not sure how to fix it or maybe because i don't feel the sincerity anymore. When everything ended, I cried my heart out, even worse than my break up, got sick, and the next thing i know, she's out from my life.

2. Someone who is far yet so near to my heart. She's always have that one special place in my heart. No matter where she is or what she did. Despite being very busy, i tried my best to be there for her, but at some point, I'm fighting for useless things. Yes, it is my fault. And to make it worse, she started to push people away. I tried, i really do, but at one point, 'you're the one who ask for it' came to my mind, and i decided to put you in the 'next time' list. Sorry, i really do. but yeah, i don't know how to fix it. 

But at the same time, I found new friends. Those who I really have fun spending time with, those who don't do all those dramas. I really do appreciate them but somehow, I'm so sorry, they still don't have that spot in my life. I'm getting used to live alone. I'm comfortable this way. But at the same time, I'm worried and pretty much frustrated with myself for being comfortable with living alone. Anyway, hopefully, i really do hope, deep inside my heart, things will workout again.

4. Family life

I do believe I'm getting closer to my family. I really do think so. every single day, I called my mom. Texted my family. The most exciting thing is driving back home. Every single day, I miss home, i miss my parents, i miss their food. I always ask whether my sibs will be home every weekend. I really looking forward of our next trip more than anything. Like seriously.

5. Achievements

I did join few things this semester. And alhamdulillah, the result is beyond the expectation. Both Pitch for Progress and Perbicaraan Mahkamah is not in any of my plan. I'll explain everything in another post soon (hopefully) and the struggle to those achievements (ulang presentation 4 kali and those terrible week of bad lucks) And the best achievements in my opinion is getting recognised my lecturers (like finally.. u have no idea how i really really want this) and gain respect from juniors. I'll explain more of these later.

So yeah, so far that's all the update. How i wish i can share more. But it's freaking 2.45 am and I have class at 9am. Still have few posts that I want to share. I wish i can find some time to do all these soon. Anyway, from these few months, I learnt a whole lot. I learnt so many things and i hope that i'll continue learning new things in the future. Most importantly, I learn to respect others, be considerate, love my family, appreciate people around me and love myself(somehow). Erm, yeah. That's all. 

Live your life. Be happy. Learn new things. Be positive. 

Respect others. Be kind.

Love yourself.

tibahjah.. hahaha.. idc

P/S: Something big is going on. Can't wait to share the result in few months time.

Sincerely, 

Syera

K-Review - Pure Love ( 순정) 2016

안녕!안녕! Hi ^^

So, I'm supposed to write about Bangtan or Exo, but I decided to write a movie review instead. I watched so many kdramas, kmovies and kvariety that even my friends know about it. Got request on giving a recommendation on good movies, thus here I am, writing a movie review based on my own opinion.

For this review, it's a movie that's out on 2016 (but Syera watched it on 2017, curse me please... hahaha) mainly because one of my fav idol in it which is Do Kyungsoo.

The movie title is Pure Love ( 순정) (read: Sun Jeong) or some people knew this movie as Unforgettable. Basically, both titles are used. Anyway, here's the synopsis of the movie:

From Wiki: 

In 2014, a radio DJ gets a letter from his first love that brings up almost-forgotten memories of the past.

23 years ago in 1991, five friends spend the summer together. One of them, shy and innocent Beom-sil falls in love with Soo-ok. Beom-sil has a noticeable crush to Soo-ok and waits by the girl's window during the summer. Soo-ok suffers from a leg that can't make her walk properly so she is always carried by Boem-sil. The love blossoms and how he always sees her as the girl he wants to marry.

Syera's kindof synopsis:

So, the story goes back to the year 1991, where there are 5 best-friends who live in a rural area or kind of an island. 

From top: Gil-Ja, Gae-dok, Bum-Sil, Soo-ok, San-dol

So, these five friends are so close to each other. However, secretly, Bum-sil and San-dol secretly had a crush on Soo-ok. Soo-ok on the other hand, is a girl with a deformed leg that makes it difficult for her to walk. So, usually, her friends and dad will piggyback her around.

 At the same time, there's a medical student (I presumed.. lol but the villagers called him Doctor) that are giving his service to the villagers to get merit/credit from his professor. However, as the Doctor's place is on another island (again, I presumed...), they need to row a boat to go to his place (but Soo-ok can swim there... hahahah, how cool is that). The Doctor has been consulting Soo-ok about her leg and promised her that he'll help her to walk back by having a surgery in the city. This movie kept on showing series of moments that giving hint that somehow made it looks like Soo-ok has a crush on the Doctor or the Doctor has a bad intention on Soo-ok.

At the same time, the movie portrayed Bum-Sil (Do Kyungsoo) as a quiet friend, but has a crush on Soo-ok secretly. As Bum-Sil studied in the city, he always brought back a mixtape of Soo-Ok favorite songs as he knew that Soo-Ok really likes music. She even dreams of being a radio DJ. Every night, Bum-Sil will secretly stand at the Soo-Ok's window to listen to the music that she plays.

This is him secretly listened to Soo-Ok's music by her window. I guess D.O really have something going on with window. He's in front of a girl's window too in It's okay, It's love.

Anyway, the story between Bum-Sil and Soo-Ok is really cute. How Bum-Sil secretly love her reminds me of the innocent love, the puppy love kind of feeling. His reaction when he's jealous, and when he knew that the Doctor lied to Soo-Ok is very interesting. How I wish I have this kind of crush too.

So, in this review, I'll give spoilers. Hahahaha... 

Basically, the Doctor lied. Actually, Soo-Ok's legs can't be treated. She will not be able to walk. Her dad didn't want to give permission for the surgery. She's too frustrated about it and ends up with a suicide. Okay, this movie makes me depressed for the last 20 minutes of it. Yes, Soo-Ok died. Her friends when through a hard time. But the ending is quite nice when they meet up again years later on 2014 as Bum-Sil actually end up being a radio DJ and received a letter that was written by Soo-Ok years back during his air time.

Actually, there are a lot more dramas in the movie. But I simplified it so that it'll be easier to explain about the story.

The best part of the movie:

1. The first kiss (Umbrella Kiss)

Yessss people.. They kiss like dattt... but i find it cute somehow. Like a pure love (owh, thats why they use it as the title). Seriously, i cried a lot during this scene. Finally, Bum-Sil confess (i guess so.... that's Kyungsoo's way). Very sweet moment guyssss.... Want to try it in real life.. ehhhh (buang tebiat ^^)

2. The last hug

This scene. Oh. My. God. Sumpah i cried too much here. Like, Ok, I admit it, Do Kyungsoo is a good actor. He makes it looks like he seriously loves her. The underwater hug looks so sincere. How can someone love a girl that much??

3.  Friendship scenes

This movie portrays how friendship should look like. I really really love it. At some point, I really wish I have friends like that. The moment when they literally manage Soo-Ok's burial. The moment when they blamed each other for Soo-Ok's death. The moment they ate Samgyetang (Korean dish macam sup ayam) in the end. I cried a lot more than the actors themselves.. hahaha. Sumpah time Soo-Ok nak nyanyi tu diorang tolak ramai-ramai naik bukit, time Soo-Ok teringin nak pegi satu pulau ni, diorang curi boat then kena rotan. Time ending movie yang diorang lepak dekat kubur Soo-Ok siap bawak gambar. Best sangat all these scenes.

Sedih sangat bila Soo-Ok takda..

4. The Pure Love

The last scene, time Bum-Sil dengar the tape yang Soo-Ok buat atas nama dia (For Love) it's actually for Bum-Sil, sumpah nangis teruk. Gambar last yang Soo-Ok ambik guna camera dia, semua gambar Bum-Sil. Like seriously, Soo-Ok suka Bum-Sil jugak... omggggg... sedih gila bila diorang confess sehari je, the next day Soo-Ok bunuh diri. Sedih gilaaaa...

How I rate the movie:

Crying level: 8/10

The music: 8/10

The friendship: 10/10

Overall: 9/10

Should you watch it: 

If you like a mellow or love movie, go for it. It's quite a slow movie. But they serve good oldies songs. I think the movie is appropriate for all age as there's nothing to censor (maybe the Doctor and chocolate bar moment). You'll learn a lot about friendship. I really really love it.

Till next review,

Syera

Degree Law UKM: Part 4

Assalamualaikum wbt and Hi guys.. Happy August ^^

So, I heard that the UPU result just come out. First and foremost, congratulations to those that received offers from universities, I really do hope that you guys got what you've been wishing for. And if you don't get any offer pun, don't worry, it's not the end of your life and you'll not be stuck there forever. Believe me, this is only the beginning, opportunities will come later in your life. Where ever you are, give your all, do your best and God will surely give you what you deserve. So, cheer up.

Okay... so, erm, actually, I'm currently doing my internship and planning to post on something else. However, just like these past few years, around these same dates, few people keep texting me asking about my experience, tips, and whatnot doing a law degree in UKM. Therefore, here I am, trying to clarify few things.

Owh yeah, before that, to those yang received offer from Faculty of Law UKM, congratulations and welcome to FUU. We're more than glad to have you in our big fam and hope you guys will have fun and learn a lot throughout the next 4 years of LLB. Here are few of the questions that I recieved most and my answer is based on my own experience that may be different from other law students and does not reflect the journey of all law students (terpaksa buat disclaimer sebab takut kena bash.. lol)(plus, excuse my rojak language. As long as u guys got the whole idea and pics, ok dah kot): 

1. Susah tak LLB ni?

Sejujurnya memang susah. And I believe semua course in any level of tertiary education sangat la susah. Tak kesah la korang masuk diploma ke degree ke apa, it will be a harsh journey because you're doing something very new yang korang tak pernah belajar langsung. Remember when u first learn to write  ABC or hafal alif ba ta, it kindof the same journey. Just finished my third year and will start my final year this September, and for the past 3 years, I've been through so many problems, been thinking of quitting law school few times. But at the same time, throughout these 3 years, I met great people, I learned a lot of things, I've been through a lot of precious moments and these have been a memorable yet tough years. So, in conclusion, yes, LLB is damn hard but worth the struggle.

2. Banyak tak kos sepanjang LLB lagi2 kalau baru masuk first year?

Ok, for this one, maybe berbeza setiap orang, but what I'm going to share here is based on for my case. My parents are teachers, so basically I'm not from a loaded family, just from a decent one. I don't receive any scholarship, yayasan negeri or ptptn. Everything from MaPa. Yes, my parents paid everything, every month, every semester, every year. And yes, it cost agak banyak, but i must say depend dekat diri sendiri jugak. 

a) As for accommodation, almost semua students stay kolej, jarang2 ada yang duduk rumah sewa, lagi2 first year, rasa nya memang semua duduk kolej. Harga kolej I'm not sure sangat sebab berubah every year, and depends korang duduk bilik sorang or dua orang. but safe to say bawah 1k satu sem.

b) As for makanan, kalau dalam ukm, for me harga standard. Tak mahal sangat and ada je makanan harga student. Nasi 4 ringgit pun ada. Kalau pandai jimat, sehari makan dalam 10-15 pun lepas. Tapi kalau rajin makan luar ukm, biasa la, harga pun extra sikit, ikut kemampuan korang. As for me, waktu first year I banyak belanja dekat makanan sebab macam taktau bajet lagi. But bila naik second year camtu, dah pandai sikit buat bajet, kurang sikit jalan luar and dah tau kedai mana yang harga murah sikit.

c) As for books, yes, paling banyak belanja dekat sini. Buku law memang diakui agak mahal. And lagi susah bila during the first week, every lecture class, lecturer akan bagi sort of calendar semester for that particular subject yang akan list out what topic korang akan belajar each week, bila test, berapa assignment and list of reference books. Ok, untuk pengetahuan korang, no need to buy everything. Sebab dalam list tu maybe ada satu or dua buku je yang betul2 jadi rujukan dalam kelas. Yang lain tu guna dalam satu chapter yang ada few pages je or tak pun macam supplementary untu that subject. So yang lain tu korang boleh cari dekat library.

So this is my tips. First, ask your seniors which book yang betul2 banyak guna and penting. Nak tanya dekat siapa? Korang boleh tanya dekat law student society (or known as PERUNDANG) during orientation week, or cari account PERUNDANG on twitter or facebook or instagram. They'll surely help u guys. 

Second, then ikut kemampuan, if mampu, then beli original, if not you can borrow from the library (our library has almost all the books listed, cuma ikut nasib berebut, so better if the first or second week tu terus pegi library and pinjam) and (ok this one tak digalakkan, but if u really need to..) pegi fotostat dekat kedai. Dekat mana boleh fotostat, kalau stay dekat kolej za'ba, then boleh hantar dekat kedai komputer zaba, servis okay, harga not bad. Or korang boleh pegi KUO (kolej ungku omar) and kedai komputer dia ada all those books. Just bagitau diorang title buku tu and they'll print the books for you and harga pun okay jugak. If korang ada budget untuk beli yang ori, ada few kedai yang i often go to buy law books:

 - Pustaka Mukmin, Putrajaya: Kedai ni ada banyak buku law compared to other shops. Harga agak murah, kadang2 diorang bagi discount. and all akta usually up to date and reference book banyak pilihan whether in English or BM.

- Kinokuniya, KLCC: Buku agak mahal, but usually buku yang takde dekat Pustaka Mukmin or latest edition of any books yang not from Malaysia akan ada dekat Kinokuniya. Tapi kadang2 u need to check whether diorang ada that book or u need to order first. So, untuk selamat, just give them a call first.

- Any MPH, Popular or Borders: For these stores, kebanyakan buku law memang takde, kalau ada pun few je. Cuma kalau nak cari Akta boleh la dekat kedai2 ni. Kalau terdesak, boleh pegi Bangi Gateaway. Ada MPH ke Popular tah dekat situ.

Third, if korang betul2 tak mampu (i know some of u have financial problem or really2 perlu berjimat), you can borrow your seniors' books (if you're lucky enough, maybe diorang bagi ambik terus for free or pay them less than the market price). So, the question is, macam mana nak mintak buku dekat senior bila korang baru je masuk and tak kenal anyone. 

- PERUNDANG: Just like what i said earlier, korang boleh tanya Perundang via twitter, instagram or facebook. Before daftar pun dah boleh contact diorang and ask anything.

- Sistem buddies: This sort of system or program baru lagi diorang start last year. So, once korang dah daftar and ada orientasi dekat fakulti, perundang akan handle the whole thing, they'll ask u if u need a buddy ke tak, sort of like abang or kakak angkat. Most of them will be the 2nd year students. Macam Chinese students or Indian students, usually diorang dah ada dah their own buddy system. So especially for the Bumis, i would highly encourage u guys untuk ada buddy so that korang boleh tanya anything and diorang akan bagi pinjam buku. Again, if you are lucky enough to get a good senior, diorang mungkin akan bagi je buku tu or might even belanja makan or anything.

- Random senior: Ok, this one I tak janji akan berjaya, but u can try. This is my idea. Korang boleh cari any law student ukm dekat twitter or instagram or facebook and DM or PM them. Sebolehnya from the same gender and sex (untuk elak masalah di kemudian hari. Tapi mana tau kot2 jumpa jodoh, kan rezeki tu... hahahaha) and just casually ask them anything. Seriously, they'll be glad to help u. Kalau tak pun, time korang dekat fac, ringan2 kan lah mulut untuk tegur anyone dekat area faculty tu. FUU UKM kecik je, so memang semua yang ada dekat situ student law je, takda maknanya nak tertegur student course lain. One thing, memang nampak student FUU ni muka kadang2 macam scary je, kalau tengok pun ala2 jeling je, don't worry, diorang okay je. Memang ramai student law dilahirkan dengan muka sedia ada garang or takpun yang jeling2 tu sebenarnya rabun, banyak sangat baca kes waktu malam, so rabun melampau.

- Join programs or clubs: As for this one, amat amat digalakkan. Kalau boleh during minggu orientasi lagi. Rajin2 kan la mulut untuk tegur abang2 or akak2 faci tu, mana tau kot2 satu faculty. Tak pun, join program dekat faculty, kadang2 korang kena pegi dengar talk je, but then selain dapat ilmu tu, boleh jugak kenal2 senior. Kalau nak lagi bagus, jadi ajk, yang ni confirm korang boleh kenal senior lagi2 Perundang. For club korang boleh try ALSA or UN, memang korang akan kenal ramai senior. Takpun join kelab luar or competition. In my case, masuk je orientasi, i join team debat Zaba untuk pertandingan debat antara kolej between first year students. So, from here, kenal ramai senior FUU sebab macam biasa la, budak law dengan debat berpisah tiada. So masuk je debat ni, terus kenal senior second year, third year and final year. And diorang sumpah baik gila. Diorang jawab any soalan korang tanya, tumpang kan kereta, kadang2 belanja makan, kalau baik lagi bagi tips pasal exam dengan assignments. And bila join debat ni, korang automatik akan dapat kawan2 dari fakulti lain, so tak la asyik dengan budak law je, and for budak debat ukm, kitorang semua rapat sampai final year dah macam family. It works the same way if you join the debate team or gamelan or menari or whatever. Or maybe korang boleh try moot competitions too.

d) As for transportation, don't worry, memang ada bus free dalam ukm tu. Cuma make sure korang tau route bus2 tu sebab lain number bas lain route dia and memang tak banyak bas ke FUU sebab memang dekat ceruk ukm. tapi kekerapan bus tu dijamin. So make sure tau bas mana korang kena naik dengan pukul berapa ada bus. Benda ni akan di brief oleh seniors time orientasi. Kalau diorang tak bgtau, pandai2 la korang tanya. Kalau naik second sem or second year korang nak bawak kereta or moto, bawak je la tapi parking ikut kolej, ada kolej banyak parking ada kolej limited. ada kolej kena bayar monthly or per sem untuk parking, ada kolej yang free je. kalau parking dekat fuu, don't worry, tempat parking banyak. Duit minyak ikut harga minyak semasa and ikut kekerapan korang merayau keluar UKM. As for me yang bawak myvi and x selalu sangat keluar, paling jauh pun takat ioi mall putrajaya je, full tank myvi (dalam rm70) kadang2 boleh guna sampai 2 minggu. As first year, maybe i galakkan belajar naik bus dulu. Ramai je senior2 FUU tu rajin tumpangkan junior ke kolej berdekatan. So yeah, transportation tak susah. Kalau nak isi minyak, petronas and shell memang banyak and dekat2. 

I think thats all kot pasal kos perbelanjaan sebab tak banyak benda pun. Tak de uniform ke apa. U might need to prepare blue baju kurung for orientasi and of course kalau boleh ada la baju kurung hitam putih or black and white attire sebab kadang2 diperlukan for certain class or during presentation. Usually pegi kelas boleh pakai casual, but of course kasut bertutup, baju berkolar and yang perempuan tu, berpada-pada la, jangan seksi sangat. If korang ada financial problem, maybe akan dapat bantuan fac or uni. Or korang boleh bagi tau any senior or lecturer yang korang selesa untuk tau any bantuan sebab biasanya faculty or ukm memang mencari student yang perlukan bantuan kewangan, tapi student yang segan nak bagitau. So yeah, if u need any help, u can ask your seniors or lecturers.

3. Banyak tak masa nak keluar jalan-jalan or lepak-lepak?

Yes dik, memang banyak masa nak lepak keluar, lagi2 time first year. Ramai je yang berjalan tak ingat dunia, tengok midnight movie ke atau acah2 backpacking dengan kawan. Ni terpulang dekat korang, ikut kemampuan, berpijak di bumi yang nyata. Of course perlu have fun time muda remaja ni, cuma jangan over sangat, nanti menyesal kemudian. Yang perempuan tu, shopping berpada-pada. Lagi2 yang dapat duit PTPTN ke scholarship ke MaPa ke. Kalau boleh kena ada simpanan sikit, papehal jadi korang dah ada duit.

4. English saya teruk, boleh survive tak?

Okay, this one is a serious issue. Jawapan dia, yes korang boleh survive. But no, korang tak boleh biar je English korang that teruk. Try to improve your English. Berkawan dengan orang yang pandai English or seriously kena bkawan dengan non malays. Jangan asyik dengan orang yang sama je. And be open, this is not the time to be like 'ehh, acah je budak ni nak speaking2 bagai, benda sesama melayu'. Haaaaa, kalau korang camni, memang wassalam la. Exam kena dwi bahasa, belajar dwi bahasa, assignment depends dekat lecturer, kadang2 ada yang in English, kadang2 in BM. Presentation pun kadang2 english, kadang2 BM. My english still bad, korang pun boleh nampak sendiri, but I sendiri dalam proses improving my English. Kau start intern, tau la tkejut dia macam mana bila u need to speak in English all the time. Even with your sama race colleague. And i sangat menggalakkan korang join debat, debate or mooting to improve both your language skill dengan soft skill. Sangat membantu.

5. Agak2 boleh jumpa jodoh tak dekat Faculty?

Hahahaha... ok ni soalan paling kerap diterima. My answer is, hanya Tuhan yang tahu. hahahaha.. Seriously, it's not something impossible. Banyak je kes jumpa jodoh dekat faculty ni. But please jangan jadi kan misi korang untuk masuk FUU nak cari jodoh. Focus on your study, the love will come eventually. Akak pun tak tau jodoh akak sesat pi mana tah, tak muncul lagi.

6. Saya tak pandai bersiap, selekeh, taktau ikat tie, taktau makeup, camne tu?

Akak pun sama dik. Don't worry, survive je. Buat taktau je dik, kalau betul jodoh awak dekat fac tu, muka selekeh tengah cari kes dekat library pun dia akan datang tegur jugak.

7. Macam mana nak dapat peluang pergi luar negara time degree?

Ok, yang ni pun antara soalan hot. Yang ni depends dekat usaha korang. Peluang2 ni korang kena cari, takde maknanya peluang ni nak datang bergolek ke kaki korang macam tu je. First, korang boleh join debate or mooting sebab pertandingan2 ni tak ramai yang join and most of the competitions ada international round. Mana tau rezeki kau dik, merasa pegi oversea free. Or, dekat facebook ada page ukm yang iklan kan semua program exchange student yang fully funded. Cuma, korang kena isi borang or hantar essay or pergi interview. Yes, rajinkan diri buat benda2 ni, kalau korang malas, orang lain pun malas nak taja korang. Or, if mampu, join AISEC time cuti sem break. Cari negara2 yang kos kurang sikit. Seriously, korang akan belajar banyak gila. Tak pun, try tanya lecturers if diorang tau any program dekat oversea yang fully funded macam short internship ke, attachement ke or any random competition. Contoh nya, someone asked in a whatsapp group whether anyone nak join speech competition. I volunteered to join even though takde pengalaman langsung and my english hanya tuhan je tau betapa teruk, but yet, i went to Thailand for free and met great people too. So yeah, cari peluang2 tu.

So, I think thats all kot for now. If ada apa2 soalan, feel free to contact me. I'll do another update later if teringat anything else. My advice for freshies, it will be very rough and tough few weeks, but seriously try to enjoy the moment, learn as much as possible, make new friends and be happy every single day. Believe me you're not alone. If you find it hard untuk buat kawan, just contact any senior on social media to ask for their advice or help. Owh yeah, ada yang tanya whether LLB susah sangat sampai i wrote that i have depression or what not before, the answer is yes, LLB memang susah, but the depression itself bukan sebab LLB, tapi sebab diri sendiri. Ramai je yang hidup bahagia sepanjang LLB years ni. And even if with all this depression, korang takkan mati pun, I'm still alive and survive my third year. Final year of law school is on the way. So yeah, again, congratulations kiddies and goodluck.

Owh, and before I end this post, I just want u guys to know that I'm just a normal, average law student. My parents are teachers, my brother is a teacher too, my family doesn't speak English at all, I only speak Malay language during elementary and secondary school, English is limited during English class only. We're not a well off family, no oversea trip every year. I'm not a student with 3.5 above cgpa, I don't get all As for final exam, I've never win any competitions that i joined, I'm not pretty nor smart. I'm short, and fat. I'm just a normal Syahirah. And yeah, I'm going to be a final year law student soon. God will guide you till the end, trust me on this one.

Not your best senior,

Syera

Random Rant (08062017)

Hi

After few months of not writing anything, finally today i wrote one. Even tho currently in the middle of exam week, and a looooottt of things happened. Anyway, if any of you read my posts, you must realized how i've been so negative for the past few posts a.k.a for the past few months. Seriously, third year of law school is damn hard. Like seriously. 

However, as I'm taking short break during this study for tomorrow's paper, I just realized how i used to be so carefree and adventurous. During my trip to Paris, there's this one day that hujan lebat gila and I'm not sure where I am at that moment as I randomly walk through Paris city, trying to buy an umbrella, but nowhere to be found. I decided to just walk in the rain, without knowing which direction i have to go. At that moment, of course I'm a bit worries because I am all alone there, cant speak french and with limited budget and somehow a lil bit annoyed with how i'm stucked in the rain. I'm literally wet as if i'm bathing. However, somehow, I end up went into a small shop which I'm not sure what kindof shop it is at first, i just randomly walked into a shop hoping that somehow i can find somewhere warm enough while waiting for the rain to stop. And guess what. That's the best shop i've ever entered in Paris. It's a small book shop. A warm one. With that typical book smell. Seriously, the best shop ever. And at the back of the shop, there's a lot of snow globes and music box. A very beautiful moment. Seriously. I am all alone in the shop, no other customer, but i had so much fun. Well, all those hate and annoyance just disappeared. 

Next, those moment while I'm staying in Yogyakarta. A rural area. At first, I'm struggling a bit as it is not as comfy as how i live in Malaysia. It's a typical rural area, a small village, far from city. I really hate the fact that my access to internet is veryyyyy limited. the basic necessities are limited too. However, few days after, I end up enjoying my days in that village. My only concern is how to make my students happy and enjoy my class. How much chocolate bars should i purchased so that i can ensure all of them can have it. 

And during my trip to Thailand for the speech competition. My first ever English speech competition. I'm very scared. Not used with competing with strangers at that time. I'm pretty much sure that i hate myself at that time for not being able to communicate with others using better English or whatnot. But in the end, I still enjoy my trip there and i make friends that I'm still keep in touch until today.

So, what I'm trying to say is, there's time where you think you're useless, and how u wish u can give up. But, after all, it's just a phase that you need to go through no matter what. And believe me, after everything done, those hardship end up being the most beautiful memory ever. When you think you're all alone, take a step back, and see how many people around you that keep supporting you and pray for your success.

When you ever feel that you need to give up, just imagine how many smiles that you'll get when you complete that one thing. Trust me, the you thats struggling today will be the strongest person tomorrow. and yet tomorrow you'll face another test, and guess what, you'll be a lot stronger the next day. So, in the end, it's all about fighting with yourself, it's not about you're trying to prove to others how amazing you are, but you are trying to prove yourself how strong u can be and your potential is limitless.

Thus, head up. You'll be just fine. The life might be damn hard right now, but believe me, one day, you'll see someone who is younger than you, struggling with the same problem, having the same emotion. But the only thing that you'll say is, dont worry. you'll be just fine. 

So, their syera, be strong. You're strong. And you're stronger than what you think you are. What restraining you from achieving more is yourself. Beat that weak, unmotivated soul out of from your mind, and you'll be a greater person soon after. Remember, don't compare your path with others. don't compare your flow with others. Some might be running right now, but you cant because you're taking so much time for each step you're taking. But believe me, there'll come time when others will stop, but you'll be running while holding others hand, supporting them to move forward. So, don't worry. Stay within your own flow, and u'll be just fine. 

Take care syera. And goodluck.

Stay humble.

Me,

Syera